Monday, April 20, 2009

Dark Days

Oh my oh my, dear readers. Isn't unemployment such a gas? Sleeping late, getting dressed at noon, having no schedule to speak of, going days without a meaningful conversation ("Credit or debit?" just doesn't count!) ... what a wonderful way to live.

Now, gentle ones, I know that Friday I was very happy to go and spend the day in the park in the sunshine and I know many of you weren't even able to leave the office all day and you are not pitying my afternoon of leisure, sitting in the park and hanging out with my good friend G, who I ran into on the way to the park and convinced to play hooky from his post-work obligations. That just didn't make anyone feel bad for me.

Today is another day and it is grey and raining and wet and cold and windy and disgusting and, OK OK, I don't have to go out in it. And, to be honest, I probably won't. But on a grey day like today, the unemployed girl can go to a dark place. It's so easy to let your mind wander to those "feel bad" places. You know the places - the place where you wonder if the job isn't coming because it's something about you, the place where you think that you will never find a job again, the place where you have way too much time on your hands and your mind is whirling a mile a minute, going over every text you sent or word you said in the past week or so and trying to figure out what it was that you did wrong. You know that place. It's a dark place. a black place. A place that makes you want to pull the covers up over your head and just wait for it all to go away.

Of course, you can't do that. If you pull the covers up and hide, you are not going to find a job (you at least have to open your laptop for that). If you stay curled up, waiting for the wind to change, how are you ever going to meet anyone? These are the things that one needs to keeps asking one's self, gentle readers. And these, perhaps, are the things that one knows in one's head. But on a dark day like today, no matter what one knows in one's head, it doesn't mean that one knows how to make these things happen. And sitting and wondering what went wrong or what you did ... It's just not productive. But ... how to stop? How to push away the mood that matches the weather today?

1 comment:

  1. I agree that there's so much that looks different when your unemployed . . . but then every day is a new day, don't you think? I always think when I look back at this time, what will I wish I had done more of? Because eventually we will all be back to working and wishing we had more time.
    . . . from your random and unemployed follower in California :)