Friday, March 20, 2009

Fun With Craigslist

You may have noticed that I don't spend a lot of time writing about all the resumes I'm sending out. And there is good reason, kids. I am not sending out a lot of them.

Why? you ask. Am I loving a life of leisure lived on the stipend of unemployment? Oh hell no. I like working. I miss working. I am a happier person (made evident by the crazy sadness that overcame me a couple of days ago for no reason at all) when I am doing a lot of things and have seemingly little time in my schedule.

There is just not a lot out there right now. Those unemployed amongst you know that.

In that vein, here are some fun snippets from Craigslist that I've collected over the past day or two.

I am looking for a personal assistant. I am only looking for a female. I need her to organize schedhules, and documents, call back clients, and answer phone calls. I am willing to pay anywhere from $1600-$2000 a month in salary, plus there will be comissions as well. Hour needed are from 2-10pm. I need someone devoted, so please only respond if your serious in working. 20-30 yrs old is a plus.

Um ... it's entirely illegal to require someone to be a certain age for a job. It's not specified if the poster is a female (who is freaked out by men) or a creepy guy - but my first reaction to it was that this was a lecherous guy who just wanted to get a hot, young woman into his home office on a daily basis. Ew.

To be considered for the position- please fax a HANDWRITTEN cover letter with resume

I'm not going to say what company posted this, and I am actually considering applying for it, as several of the requirements are right up my alley. Over dinner the other evening, I was chatting with a woman I know from the beauty industry who had applied for a different position with the same company. I just figured they wanted a hand written cover letter faxed to cut down on lazy or under-qualified people applying to the job. But, apparently the woman who does the hiring is very into handwriting analysis and if you make it into the interview process, there is a 12 page analysis of your writing ...

Looking to fill position ASAP. Again, you must live within 20-minutes of SoHo; no exceptions.

This person will be missing out on some qualified people. Of course, they probably want someone who lives nearby who can be at their beck and call at all hours. Next!

You must be able to anticipate needs of a fairly off the wall ADD entrepreneur If you need a lot of supervision and cannot think independently you will not be happy here.

In my experience, even people who actually do need a lot of supervision do not think that they need a lot of supervision. Props to the person to admitting their quirks in the actual posting, though.

$10-$14 an hour, depending on qualifications.

This one is not that crazy, I'll admit. It's just an example of many low-paid jobs I've seen posted that have several requirements and require at least two languages (I see Mandarin and Russian a lot). Not so crazy in New York, I know, but at least offer a little cash!

This is a diverse job in which we hope you can grow into Managing and quoting custom Jobs. If you are not bright, articulate, energetic and good with numbers please don’t waste anyone’s time.

Um ... who doesn't think that they themselves are bright and articulate? I don't think anyone out there would be like, "Hey, I'm a dumb-ass, I better not apply."

Salary is $10 per hour and there are no benefits. Please send resume.

Woo-hoo! That sounds great. No benefits. Full-time. And not enough of a wage to pay for one's own benefits.

I know it's tough out there. And I know employers are hurting, too. But one of the first rules of running a successful business is to treat your employees well - it builds loyalty and breeds a harder working employee. Which can only help your business in the long run, no?

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