Interviews Are Conversation

As your MatchGirl heads out on another job interview, it's important to take a moment to talk about them, gentle readers.

An interview is a conversation. You need to give as good as you get.

Here are a few tips to help you through:

Dress up. Even if it's at a jeans and t-shirt kind of place. Take your clothing to the next level. It shows you care.

Don't interrupt. This is hard for some people, but it's important to remember. Bite your tongue and hear your interviewer out.

Pause. Don't jump right into you answer. Take a moment. Think about what you'll say. Then go.

Don't say "like" or "um" in your sentences. If you're searching for the word, simply pause. You'll seem more intelligent.

Eye contact is important. It shows you're paying attention and that you're interested in the job.

Ask questions. Come in prepared with at least one question. If you're meeting with several people, this is a rough one sometimes, but you can do it. Asking questions shows that you're excited about the place and the position. It shows that you listened as they were speaking and that you did some research before you showed up.

Remember that this is two (or more) people sitting down for a conversation. And it's as much about them, who they are and what they are looking for, as it is about you. If you keep this in mind, you should do just fine.

Good luck to you - and me!

Your Fair Share

"Consideration for the rights and feelings of others is not merely a rule for behavior in public but the very foundation upon which social life is built.
Rule of etiquette the first—which hundreds of others merely paraphrase or explain or elaborate—is:
Never do anything that is unpleasant to others.
Never take more than your share—whether of the road in driving a car, of chairs on a boat or seats on a train, or food at the table."
--Emily Post, Etiquette

As we keeping talking about the 99% and the 1% (refer to this post to see what you MatchGirl has to say on the subject) and the wealth gap or income gap. And as we enter a presidential election year (hint: not the most important public official you vote for), and watch a crazy Republican primary taking place, it's easy to forget that life can be broken down into some pretty simple tenets. And that perhaps if we took a moment to reflect on them, we'd all be living a bit better right now.

The rule to live by, gentle readers, the golden rule, as it were, is sometimes hard to stick to, but it's the most important: Treat people like you yourself want to be treated.
Be nice.
Be kind.
Say excuse me, pardon me, thank you and you're welcome.
Hold the door for the person behind you
Stand up for a harried parent, an elderly person or an injured person on public transport.
Speak your mind, but don't be cruel.
Think before you speak.
Treat people like you yourself wish to - feel you deserve to - be treated.

And, this, gentle readers, from Miss Emily Post's 1922 Etiquette (now in its 18th Edition), never take more than your share.
Don't be greedy.

Work hard. Reap the reward. Sure.
But take what's your's.
That's enough.

Your MatchGirl leaves you with this (repeated from above): "Consideration for the rights and feelings of others is not merely a rule for behavior in public but the very foundation upon which social life is built."

Let's remember that, shall we?

Tipping Point

Yesterday, gentle readers, a friend of your MatchGirl shared a link to this very cool interactive map about tipping for takeout food in New York City. Take a moment and go over to it.

You can see that it has several types of food listed and, when you click on them, you can see how popular they are for takeout in certain areas of the city. (Having lived in Greenpoint for over 7 years, the food listed as popular her came as no surprise to me. Even as the neighborhood changes in its residents, and a different demographic moves in, the options are still limited - though if you want Thai food, we've definitely got it!.) Then you see a little radio button where you can click and see the percentage of tip that was left with the people delivering the food.

It would stand to reason that the wealthier neighborhoods would tip better, no? They've more money, after all...

Well, it's not as simple as that, dear ones.

There are delivery people we tip more because we order more from their place of business.
There are delivery people we tip more because they arrive on our doorsteps at the speed of light.
There are delivery people we tip more because the weather outside is atrocious and we're so very glad that we didn't have to go out in that.

Looking at the map, you'll certainly see that some of the more wealthy neighborhoods are poor tippers. But the numbers are different by fractions of percentages. None of the neighborhoods tip more that 14% on average. It's not terrible. It's not amazing. I'm not judging. There are loads of reasons that people tip well and loads of reasons that people are stingy. I've written about it before (to a barrage of comments - people are passionate about this subject).

But, gentle readers, as the "season of giving" keeps rolling forward, and the economy keeps being stuck in first gear, let's take a moment to think about the people bringing us warm food on cold, cold nights.

And let's move that thinking to the world as a whole.

Many of us are in no financial state to be giving way bigger tips or donating way more to charity, but, as we're in a place where we are paying greater attention to what we're spending on a whole, let's just take a moment and spread a little more cheer when and where we can. An extra buck here, a warm (and sincere) smile there. Giving up your subway seat to a harried parent with little kids. Holding the door open for the person coming in behind you. They seem small. And they, maybe seem like they have very little to do with tipping your takeout guy.

But your MatchGirl, dear readers, is of the opinion that a little extra bit of warmth and compassion is contagious.
Especially at this time of year.

Courtesy

Your MatchGirl, gentle readers, wants to talk to you about gaining respect. You would think that if you worked hard and were good at what you did and were respectful of others that, after all that, you would get a little respect. You would think.

And maybe that's the way the world used to work, though I somehow doubt that's the case. And it's certainly not the way the world works now.

Your MatchGirl thinks about this as she goes through her daily life. As she strives to gain respect. Or at least to some level of courtesy from those around her. 

At the end of the day, gentle ones, most people are inherently selfish. They think about only themselves and about what they can get out of something, be it a job or a relationship or a business transaction. So it's not so much that the coworker not sending a deliverable or ignoring your email does not respect you. It's that they don't care. 

You'll never get respect from them because they don't posses it to share in the first place. All you can do is keep doing your best, working your hardest and treating people the way you want to be treated. They'll get it eventually. 

And the ones that don't? 

Fuck 'em.

Private Eyes: Protecting Yourself From Social Media's Prying Eyes

On Friday, gentle readers, your MatchGirl came across and interesting snippet on MediaBistro. The FTC has given approval for a new company that specializes in social media background checks.

As many of you navigate the current world of unemployment and under employment, job hunting and freelancing, you might have wondered how you should handle your online existence. It's part of the reason that, when your MatchGirl started this blog in 2009, I kept Unemployed Brooklyn anonymous. I was job hunting and I was worried that something I wrote could hamper my hunt. As time went on and I gained a bit of a following, and the economy remained in the crapper, it seemed silly not to allow my story to be covered and shared. So I happily shed the blanket of anonymity and put myself out there full force. Along the way, all I've been is me.

But that's not for everyone.

And, even though I am nothing but honest when I write online, I do still make sure to conduct myself with a certain amount of decorum. It's still a public forum, anonymous or no.

Tips for those worried about what others may find when they run a Google search:

That MySpace or Friendster account you created in your younger days - where you thought the bong in the background or the picture of you doing an (underage) keg stand were hilarious and harmless? Delete 'em. The pictures or the profiles, it doesn't matter. Even if you haven't logged on to those sites in years, the internet never forgets.

Set your security level to private. Worried that you may offend someone with strong political or religious beliefs. Worried that your personal lifestyle may not look too good to the CEO? Don't share them in a public forum. Put Facebook's security settings on their most private and limit your network to only those you know, who know the real you.

Keep Twitter toned down. I'm a big believer in Twitter accounts being open and public (though I understand that some people use them as they use Facebook, just to connect rapidly with people they already know), but if you are going to be open to the public know that, know matter how crafty your pseudonym, someone will figure out it's you.

Basically, dear readers, while living your life online, use common sense. If there's nothing bad to find, no social media background check is going to find it. It's that simple.

Any tips that you use to make sure your social media presence is squeaky clean? Leave them in the comments.

Awesome infographic about Social Media and the job hunt, via Mashable.

A Polite Society

Last week, gentle readers your MatchGirl wrote a post entitled Simple Manners, which received a couple of comments on the blog and several more on Twitter and in my inbox.

One of them came from Rich P, who posed the question, "Which part struck the louder chord for you, the stepping onto the shoe or the opportunity taken of the man who retrieved it?"and followed up by saying, "I often find what I'm noticing says more to me about "me" than the players involved in the scene."

And while I answered him in the comments section, I thought I would take a moment to further address what Rich has to say. Your MatchGirl, dear readers, is far from perfect. And though I am the biggest advocate of a polite society (though not the one advocated on this blog!), I am sure there are times when I am not in the right, though I hope they are few and far between.

And in thinking more on the topic and in discussing it further, with Boyfriend and another friend, I have come to realize that one of the integral parts of manners and being polite, in general, is grace.

Or, specifically, graciousness.

To be kind. To be courteous. To be compassionate. These are all a part of having good manners. They are, in fact, what keeps a polite society moving forward.

When someone is rude to you or bumps into you, it's not only on them to apologize. It's on you to accept. To say, "No worries" or "That's OK" and to move along. It's on you to let the bad feelings go and forgive their misstep. All they can do, especially in passing (on the street, on the subway, in the elevator), is say they are sorry or excuse me. If you're an ass about it - then the bad manners are on you.

Just a thought.

As I have written here before, be good to each other. It's all that matters in the end.