Monday, July 18, 2011
Evolution of Self
A few years ago, this news would have sent me into a downward spiral. Not because I would not have been just as excited for my sister and her beau then, I certainly would have. They've been together for a long time and they are really good together. He treats her so well and they are very much in love. My reaction - my mixed emotions - would have had nothing to do with sis and her hunny. They would have been purely about me. They would have been purely selfish.
Because a few years ago, your MatchGirl, dear ones, did not feel so great about herself. Long time readers of this little space know that well. You've seen the evolution. Before you go jumping to conclusions that the reason I feel OK about it now is because of Boyfriend (the not so single part of my tagline), it's not. Don't get me wrong. Boyfriend is an amazing man and I am lucky and happy to have him as my partner. But he's just one part of the puzzle...
A few years ago, I felt terrible about myself. About my life. I felt like I could never move forward (and sometimes I let that dark part of my mind surface now, but I don't let it win), and, in fact, that I might be moving backward. I didn't like what I was doing for work. I didn't like what I saw as my options. I felt like I had done something wrong which led to prior relationships failing, though in my head I knew that sometimes relationships just end and it's no one's fault. I felt that I was not where I was "supposed" to be in my life. I felt lost.
I was in the dark.
But I started looking at myself in a different light. I started seeing the things that I worked on as a hobby as things to be proud of. Of things that were worthwhile. And this is where the pivot happened. This is where I woke up. This is where the light came.
And this is how your MatchGirl, gentle readers, started to take her first steps forward and out of the dark, sad place.
It's hard, when you're in a rough place, to see the positive things about yourself. It's hard to see that what you do, even if it's something you look at as a silly hobby, is important. Or that some people, who are the people who will bring you down, look down their noses at, is actually a big deal. I don't know if you'll be able to monetize your passion projects, though I hope we all one day will, but I know that they matter. And I know that you matter.
Don't let yourselves sink down those dark holes, dear ones. Your MatchGirl has been there and she's come out the other side to tell you that it's not a path you need to follow. Feel good about yourself and about the journey you're on. When you do that, you'll find yourself feeling happy for other people as they succeed in their journeys, too.
No matter what, keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You'll find your way.