Rookie

Have you checked Rookie out?

You really should.
And not because your MatchGirl thinks that you need tips on fashion, the latest cool band, or why losing your V-card is such a big deal. Those things, of course, are all covered in Rookie.(If you're my age-ish, you'll harken back to Sassy RIP and for good reason, Jane Pratt is the "fairy-godmother" of Rookie.) It's a magazine for teenage girls.

But check it out.
Check out its contributors.
Check out its founder.

Fifteen year old Tavi Gevinson made waves in the high end fashion world as a pint-sized fashion blogger three years ago. She wowed the right people and made the right connections and instead of being a one season novelty correspondent, she's still around. She's 15. And she's the editor of her own magazine.

There's a lot we can learn from Tavi, gentle readers.
She's a smart kid. But a regular kid. She has friends and fears and ups and downs and is a fairly normal teenager (save that "Rookie" empire thing) it would seem.

But, here's the thing. And here is what makes her so very different than other people. Than many of you reading this tome. Than so many people with amazing ideas. Than so many people striving to live a creative life. Than your MatchGirl.
She's brave.
She's herself.
She lives her life marching to her own drummer and holding her head high.
At fifteen, she's a lot braver than many adults I know. She's certainly a lot braver than I feel most days.

She had an idea and she put it out there.

Who knows where her life will take her, she's still a kid, after all, but she's putting herself out there - your MatchGirl knows how hard this is for the average teenage girl, as she recalls how very very hard it was for her wallflower-self way back when - and she's doing the work and she's moving forward.

Dear readers, let's take a page from Rookie, shall we?
Let's keep doing the work, keep putting ourselves out there and keep moving forward.

It's all we can do.

Find Your Way

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name; the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The world buzzes about goals and visions. Focus. Create a vivid picture of exactly where you want to go. Dream big, then don’t let anything or anyone stop you. The problem, as Daniel Gilbert wrote in Stumbling Upon Happiness, is that we’re horrible at forecasting how we’ll really feel 10 or 20 years from now – once we’ve gotten what we dreamed of. Often, we get there only to say, “That’s not what I thought it would be,” and ask, “What now?” Ambition is good. Blind ambition is not. It blocks out not only distraction, but the many opportunities that might take you off course but that may also lead you in a new direction. Consistent daily action is only a virtue when bundled with a willingness to remain open to the unknown. In this exercise, look at your current quest and ask, “What alternative opportunities, interpretations and paths am I not seeing?” They’re always there, but you’ve got to choose to see them. - Jonathan Fields

This, gentle readers, is something your MatchGirl wished she had thought about when she was much younger. Because when I was young, I was stubborn (those who know me now will say I still, am - they are right - but about fewer things, and with a more open mind). And in this stubbornness, sometimes, I'm afraid I missed opportunity. I didn't see them at all.

It has taken some big changes in my life, over the course of the years, to be able to see that the path I am on might have a lot of hidden passages in it. This has been true in the past in work, in school, in relationships.

Now, I feel that I am constantly learning and I am trying to constantly see the opportunities that lie not only in the direction I feel I should be moving, but a little bit off to the side. The most important thing I have learned, dear ones, over the past several years, is that life is rarely what you expect it to be. All you can do is keep your eyes and your heart open to what's around you and you'll find the path you're supposed to be on.

One Week To Live

Gentle readers, I must admit Sunday's Ralph Waldo Emerson Self-Reliance challenge prompt left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. "What if you only had one week to live? What would you do?" Maybe it is because I have been asked similar questions over the years - particularly when I was first laid off and the journey that I'm on now began.

Life wastes itself while we are preparing to live. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? In what areas of your life are you preparing to live? Take them off your To Do list and add them to a To Stop list. Resolve to only do what makes you come alive.


Bonus: How can your goals improve the present and not keep you in a perpetual “always something better” spiral?


prompted by Jonathan Mead

But that the thing. Right now, I'm moving towards all the things that I want to do.

My job situation is getting harder, but better, and I see great possibilities.

I'm living with Boyfriend and we are planning a future together. We're arguing about the names of our unborn, un-conceived children and bickering about whether Li'l Wayne is appropriate wedding music (no, we're not engaged, you didn't miss anything). We're building towards that future.

I'm building community online and off.

I'm enjoying time with the people I love and adore.

I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm living.

If I had one week to live, I'd quit my job and travel somewhere ridiculously exciting and romantic, because, cost be damned, my friends, I wouldn't have to worry about expense.

But that's not the way the world works, dear readers. So, living within reality, I'm doing all that I can to push forward and make my dreams come true, and as those who have been long-time readers of this blog know, I'm making pretty good headway.

Post-It Question

As I contemplate the Ralph Waldo Emerson Self-Reliance challenge, ponder the prompts and reflect on myself and my life thus far (something I have been doing for the past few years, since my 2008 layoff), there is always the question of "How Can I do More?" The prompt put forth by Jenny Blake on June 3rd definitely pressed me back into that thinking.

That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? . . . Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Identify one of your biggest challenges at the moment (ie I don’t feel passionate about my work) and turn it into a question (ie How can I do work I’m passionate about?) Write it on a post-it and put it up on your bathroom mirror or the back of your front door. After 48-hours, journal what answers came up for you and be sure to evaluate them.

Gentle readers, your MatchGirl's biggest challenge right now is a lack of time. There are too many things, personally and professionally that I must do and that I want to do coupled with needing to get some sleep (which is a struggle in itself), your MatchGirl finds that there are really too few hours in the day. So. How to pose that as a question to myself?

I'm rarely at home, so I took liberty with the Post-It placement (I'd never see it on my bathroom mirror or the back of the door) and placed a virtual Post-It in the form of a Mac Stickie on my laptop's screen. If there is one place I am for several (upon several) hours a day, it's looking at my computer screen.

The question I asked myself was this: How can I make time for the things that are important to me?

Pretty standard question, I know. It's one working moms and busy dads have been asking themselves for years. I'm neither of those people, But I certainly have been finding myself a bit overextended of late. And I find myself missing out on things that I would really like to do, because my time is packed. And, often, as is so often the case for those of us with jobs that involve working for others, it's not truly my own.

So how to make the time? How to make sure I do the things that are important to me, with the limited 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week? It's not an easy question to answer, but I think, for me, the key must be saying "no". I want to do everything. I want to attend every event. I want to write every blog post. I want to lend a hand to my over-extended co-workers. I want to assist every friend who asks for my advice or opinion or the donation of my time.

But I can't. It's simply not possible.

So I need to make sure that I have a clear focus on what's truly important to me. Both personally and professionally. I need to make sure that everything I do is measured on its level of importance. And, sometimes, I need to be a little selfish. Not so selfish that I ask myself "What's in this for me?" but selfish enough that I ask myself, "Is something I"m excited about? Is this something that will make things bigger/better/brighter in the end?" What is important to me is projects and ideas that reflect my passions: building communities; spending time with those I love; focusing on how Boyfriend and I will move forward in the months and years ahead; communicating my passions with people, near and far, in hopes of helping or inspiring them.  In order to make sure that I have the time to do what matters most to me, I need to see where what is asked of me fits into those criteria. And go from there.

It's not the final answer, of course, dear readers. The question itself is too broad. I know that.

But certainly, right now, my greatest challenge, is that of time.

What are you doing to meet your biggest challenges?

One Strong Belief

Your MatchGirl spent all day today, gentle readers, pondering the prompt put forward by Buster Benson on the Ralph Waldo Emerson Self Reliance Challenge:

It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?

It's an interesting question.

It's a challenging question.

It's a question that I cannot truthfully answer.

I love the quote from Self-Reliance that has prompted this thoughtful challenge. I have always been comfortable in my own solitude, in being my own self. And in doing my best, with lapses in my teenaged years, to stay true to that self. It's how my parents raised me. It's how my grandparents, on both sides, raised them.

As I've move through my adulthood, and especially as I now linger in my mid-thirties, I find that I share more commonalities with the people I surround myself with than there are differences amongst us. And I don't mean this answer as a cop out. I challenged myself all day, from the morning when the prompt arrived to the late evening when I sat down to type this reply, to come up with an answer that was true. That meant something. That would be fitting of this question.

I cannot, though, dear readers, come up with something that I know, that I believe, that I believe that any person in my inner circle does not believe. Nothing that's of importance anyway.

I believe in love.

I believe in friendship.

I believe in the power of community.

I believe we are amazing alone and we can be even greater together.

These are the beliefs that I live by every day. These are the beliefs I share with you, gentle readers, as I attempt to answer this question. It might not be the answer that was asked for.

But I certainly believe it's the right answer.

Fifteen Minutes To Live

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Challenge:
You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.
1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.
2. Write the story that has to be written.

My life changed when I was laid off, in November of 2008. This is a fact.

Until that time I had been totally - for lack of a better word - comfortable with my life. That year, itself was miserable. A lot of bad things happened that, in the long run, don't really matter as stories, just as the pieces that fell down and put me into the position to be who I am today. And to see that being someone is to keep striving to be better at being you.

On that day in early November, my boss called me into his office and told me that I was doing a great job. But the company was hemoraging money and, as one of only two salaried people, I would be working my last day that day. I was amazed. I had worked my ass off at that job. I had worked long hours. I had put sweat and tears (and probably a little) blood into that job - working longer hours than even the start-up owners themselves. And suddenly I was being asked ot pack my desk and being escorted out the front door.

I was devastated.
I moped.
I slept too much.
I drank too much.
I looked on Craigslists for jobs that were well below my intelligence and skill.
I was, to say the least, depressed.

And then one morning, I woke up.
And I started writing.
I started this little blog to share my feelings with the world.

And I found out there were more people like me. People who were smart and loyal and beautiful and cared about each other and their communities - online and local. And I started to make a whole new world of friends.

That's the important part of the story. It's about the community that you find when you put yourself out there - truly put yourself out there and let yourself see the world in a different way. It's about the people you meet who you admire and you want to be friends with - who you find inspiring and whom you hope you can inspire.

The most important thing I  have learned, over the past few years, is that if you just put yourself out there - heart wide open - open to pain and to joy and to all the amazements that the world has to offer, even if they terrify you, that is the way to your truest self.

Through sharing my hopes and fears and pains on this blog, I realized that there was a tribe of people out there - some near, some far - who felt those things, too. I met people who were terrified of starting over after being laid off. I met girls who felt like they would be single forever. I met people in my own neighborhood who love it as much as I do and who thought there must be a way to introduce those people to one another - to foster community and relationships. And the best part of all of that is I am still doing it. And I'm helping other people do it. And I'm trying to work with people who are more tech-savvy than I to make it happen more and better and bigger.

The thing I know is that by being your true self - not apologizing, for either your strengths or your weaknesses, you gain so much. You meet the most amazing people. You find your tribe. You learn things you might never have known. You are offered experiences that, were you hiding behind a facade of what you think you're supposed to be, you never would have been privy to. It is a terrifying way to live, at times, with your heart on your sleeve. But, for me, there has never really been any other way.

The best thing that ever happened to me was getting laid off in November 2008, at the height of the recession. It put me on a path that I never would have gone down otherwise. And I can't imagine living any other way.

Go Go Go

Sunday night, I saw something amazing happen. I watched someone I know win an Academy Award. I watched him accept his award in his usual, easy and funny way. I watched him tell his girlfriend she was his dream come true. I watched him become a trending topic on Twitter. I watched our mutual friends fill up his wall on Facebook and tease each other about who was and who wasn't an extra in the film (your MatchGirl, gentle readers, *was* an extra). I whooped out loud when they called his name. I can't explain the feeling of excitement when you watch someone's dream come true. When it's someone who you know.

It's magical.

But here's the thing, dear ones, it's not magic. It's work. It's a lot of hard hard work.

And it's inspirational. To see someone, a regular person, someone you were just singing karaoke with a couple of months ago, reach this. This epitome of success.

I think I feel more emotional and excited about it because I have been spending a lot of time thinking about going and doing and innovation. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about ideas and how to spread them. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about how to not only think outside the box, but to build a whole new box. And I feel inspired.

Yesterday I mentioned that I have been working on a lot of new projects and I linked to them in a post. But here's the one that I didn't talk about. Here's the one, gentle readers, that has your MatchGirl filled with ideas and inspiration and excitement.

The Domino Project is the latest project from Seth Godin, with a simple goal: "get books to readers who want them. We identify great authors, establish smart partnerships, and use digital tools to give readers ideas they can spread." And I was accepted as part of the street team for this new venture.

The biggest perk so far (aside from meeting, IRL and online some really amazing people), has been that I received an early edition of Godin's new book "Poke The Box". It's a slim missive, no chapters no footnotes, no Table of Contents. It is, however, chock full of inspiration. Of ideas. Of reminders that the the people who wait to be picked are never the rule-breakers, the deal-makers, the innovators. The people who are afraid to fail - afraid to fuck up - are the ones who can never succeed.

Dear readers, your MatchGirl knows that some of you are still unemployed. She knows that many of you are under-employed. She knows that a lot of you are spending time trying to figure out what the hell you want to do. She knows that some of you are working in jobs that are not quite right and trying to fit into them. She knows that many of you are working in jobs that are not quite right and trying to make them fit to you. And your MatchGirl, gentle ones, wants you to to buy this book. Or borrow this book. But most of all, your MatchGirl wants you to read this book.

I read it over a couple of days on my commute to and from work. And as I read it, I smiled. I felt excited. I felt inspired. I felt like going into the office and kicking ass and figuring out what I could do that was different, that was unexpected, that was outside of my "job description." I felt like going home and getting online and telling you all about what I was reading. I felt like organizing events and pushing boundaries and trying to make not only my life better, but your life as well. I felt like launching my new projects and pushing them forward as hard as I can.

There are a lot of great quotes in there.

There are things I need to go through and pull out and share with you.

But for now, while I'm still full of excitement and inspiration; while I'm ready to work my ass off; while I am ready to begin, I share with you this:

This is a manifesto about starting
Starting a project, making a ruckus, taking what feels like a risk.

Not just "I'm starting to think about it," or "We're going to meet on this," or even "I filed a patent application..."

No, starting.

Going beyond the point of no return.

Leaping.

Committing.

Making something happen.

There are so many other inspirations your MatchGirl wants to share. There is so much I know we all can do. If you read the book, and I hope you will, let me know what you think. If you read the book and you have questions about the project, let me know. If you read the book and you think it's drivel, let me know. I'm really excited to hear what you guys have to say about it.

Finally, dear ones, I leave you with this: Have you fully understood the cost of not starting?

Go.

Go.

Go.

Dominoes

There's a lot of change going on in the world, gentle readers. Your MatchGirl means big change. She means little change. She means jobs being gotten on the power of a blog. She means dictatorships falling on the power of a tweet.  It's a whole new world when it comes to the written word and, in the end, it all can fall like dominoes.

Your MatchGirl is of two minds when it comes to digital books. (Seems like a tangent, but bear with...)

One the one hand, I love my neighborhood bookstore. I love the people that work there. I love their involvement in the community. I love going to book club once a month and talking about books (ones I might not have picked up on my own) with my friends and neighbors.

On the other hand, I recently downloaded the Kindle app on my Android. I haven't bought a book yet, but I've downloaded a couple of free ones. I like that I can have a book with me at all times - on my phone. I like that even in my smallest handbag, if I'm waiting for Boyfriend at the bar or stuck on a crowded train, that I have literature at my fingertips.

And while I know that some eReaders support your indie bookstore (thinking about getting a Nook, truth be told, since I could still buy Google books through Word), I'm still not 100% sold.

All that said, I believe in the power of the written word. I believe in the power of the written word to change minds and to change society. I believe that today's Twitter revolutions are a direct evolution of "Common Sense". And I believe that the standard rules of publishing - of distributing the written word - are changing.

I recently joined the Street Team for The Domino Project - Seth Godin's newest brainchild, destined to change the face - the "how" - of publishing. While I'm not sure exactly what the Street Team is all about just yet, I'm honored to be amongst such amazing people (seriously, you should check out these people). And as someone who has been putting thoughts and calls to action in this little space for the past two years, I'm excited about the possibilities that involvement can bring.

Does it mean I'll write a book? I dunno. A bunch of people have said that I ought to.
Does it mean, if I follow that path, that I'll self-publish? Or does it mean that I will try to go a more traditional route and look for a publisher who might like what I have to say? I have some friends who have followed that path. I can't say.
It does mean that I'm open to all sorts of possibilities. It means that I'm open to seeing how this movement can change other people's minds about books, about publishing. It means that I'm putting into practice one thing that I have known for a long time - word of mouth, especially a referral from someone whose opinion you trust, is everything when it comes to something new - a book to read, music to listen to a movie to see in the theater - to experience.

There are a lot of changes, dear readers, in my life right now. What I do know is that I am excited to meet the people involved in the Domino Project, to soak in what they have to say, to gather inspiration and support from them.

And I am most certainly excited to see how the dominoes fall...