Friday, May 21, 2010

A Case For Friendship

Ah, gentle readers, your MatchGirl may have been a bit spotty with the posting of late, but I promise to be better from now on.  Employment won't keep me away from you.

This blog began as "one girl's perspective on being unemployed and single in Greenpoint, Brooklyn."  And I feel that I've remained true to that.  Though, often a lot more posts focus on my life as an unemployed gal, this one is about the part of my life that's me as a single girl.

Over the past year or so, dear ones, your MatchGirl has dated.  A lot.  This is not to say that she is out hooking up with a lot of men.  But this does mean that she has been on several first dates, a handful of second ones and even met some guys who stuck around for (or were kept around for?) dates that numbered into the double digits.  She has certainly kissed a lot of frogs.

While dating itself is kind of fun - anticipation, fresh conversation, meeting new people who are, whether they're a love connection or not, for the most part interesting and engaging and nice to spend an hour or two with - actually being single, meeting the people to go on those dates with and, no employed, finding the time to do so is a little stressful.

My favorite, though, are the dates that were unexpected, unplanned, unsure. Tentative meetings with men that you know through friends or work or events or just running into around the neighborhood.

And here is why - there are no nerves, just easy conversation.  It's easy to have a drink with a friend.  We do it all the time.  It's easy to meet up with someone you want to get to know better - that's how friendships flourish.

Think of it this way, gentle ones:  You're at a party and you start chatting with someone of the same sex (or opposite sex if you're attracted to those of the same sex) and it turns out that you have a lot in common or you live in the same neighborhood or you both list "Can't Buy Me Love" among your favorite movies so you decide that you should have coffee or brunch or have a cocktail and get to know each other better.  You don't think twice about texting her or shooting off an e-mail.  You call because you want to hang out.

There are no rules.  There are no games.  There is simply "Let's hang out and get to know each other better."

In my opinion, dear readers, this is a much more civilized way to go about things.

And, to that end, I have made a resolution - or, actually, committed to keeping a resolution that I made a long time ago.

I will play no games.
If I have a lovely time with a gentleman, I will let him know.
If I want to see him again, I'll tell him.
If I feel like sending him a text, I will.
If he freaks out...  then he's not the man for me.

Life's to short to wait around for games and three-day rules.  Every great relationship is built on friendship anyway, so why not approach dating the same way you would making a new friend?

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