Unemployed Brooklyn

On Debt & Parachutes

2012-02-10T08:16:00.000-05:00

Do you know about Skillshare?

Learn anything, anywhere, from anyone.

Your MatchGirl has quite a few friends who have taught classes. And she has considered teaching some herself (on what ... she's not quite sure.) Skillshare is on the forefront of the new education model that's been much buzzed about of late.

And in the interest of promoting that new model, they are hosting a "Golden Parachute" contest:

It's time the little guy gets bailed out! Enter for a chance to wipe out $5,000 from your student debt.

Click here to enter.

Interviews Are Conversation

2012-02-09T09:19:00.001-05:00

As your MatchGirl heads out on another job interview, it's important to take a moment to talk about them, gentle readers.

An interview is a conversation. You need to give as good as you get.

Here are a few tips to help you through:

Dress up. Even if it's at a jeans and t-shirt kind of place. Take your clothing to the next level. It shows you care.

Don't interrupt. This is hard for some people, but it's important to remember. Bite your tongue and hear your interviewer out.

Pause. Don't jump right into you answer. Take a moment. Think about what you'll say. Then go.

Don't say "like" or "um" in your sentences. If you're searching for the word, simply pause. You'll seem more intelligent.

Eye contact is important. It shows you're paying attention and that you're interested in the job.

Ask questions. Come in prepared with at least one question. If you're meeting with several people, this is a rough one sometimes, but you can do it. Asking questions shows that you're excited about the place and the position. It shows that you listened as they were speaking and that you did some research before you showed up.

Remember that this is two (or more) people sitting down for a conversation. And it's as much about them, who they are and what they are looking for, as it is about you. If you keep this in mind, you should do just fine.

Good luck to you - and me!

Safety Nets

2012-02-07T08:09:00.000-05:00

Ah, gentle readers. Let's talk about safety nets. I imagine quite a few of you out there are taking advantage of one or another right now. Is unemployment insurance a safety net? Do you become poor living on unemployment insurance for long enough, while you struggle to find a new position?

The federal poverty line is $10,800 a year for a single person, $22,000 for a family of four.

Wow.

Can you imagine living on that? Let alone in New York City, where everything from food to rent costs more than most other places in the US?

About a week ago, GOP Presidential hopeful (and my former Governor) Mitt Romney said, "I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there. If it needs repair, I'll fix it." He went on to speak about how he's concerned mostly with the middle class in America, who is struggling. He didn't say that a lot of them are teetering precipitously close to that line of being amongst the very poor.

In your MatchGirl's opinion, gentle readers, Mitt just doesn't get it. While he was governor of Massachusetts (though not voted for by me), it seemed like he might. He rolled out "Obamacare"(otherwise known as health care reform) before Obamacare was even a term. Or, you know, about a year into Obama's career as the Junior Senator from Illinois. Your MatchGirl still has a lot of friends in Massachusetts and the reform itself has mixed reviews, but, overall... isn't it better to be able to go to the doctor, to take your kids, than to either not be able to or to break the bank doing so? Your MatchGirl thinks maybe.

But back to those safety nets.

Your MatchGirl wonders if there is not something more that can be done.
What good is a safety net, after all, if there is no way to climb out of it?

Sure, the majority of the country isn't at the poverty level. Yet. But that number is growing.

We need more than nets to catch people - that brings to mind fish gasping for air to this seacoast girl's mind. We need a way to make the American dream more than a dream for more Americans

In my opinion, dear readers, this starts with education reform. Big and hard changes that will scare the people who think the only way to measure intelligence is by having a kid fill in little bubbles on a scan card. That there is only one way that kids can learn. I've written about it before. And I'll keep talking about it.

Because America is falling behind - it's falling behind not only the Asian countries that the candidates keep calling out as our biggest threats, but smaller countries, like Finland. Because we don't look at the problem long term.

We look at everything in terms of electability.
In terms of a manufacturing sector that does not exist in the way it did for our grandparents (or parents).
In terms of the good old days where you could provide, well, for a family on a high school degree and where you could be guaranteed a good job with a college degree.
Guess what - we live in a different world. And we need to adapt to it if we're going to survive.

America, dear Mitt, doesn't need safety nets (nor, Mr. Gingrich, does it need trampolines - you just fall back down, you know)

It needs a ladder.

Hiding In Shadows

2012-02-02T08:30:00.000-05:00

Today, some groundhog, with a cute name, in some city in America, peeped his little head out of his burrow and saw his shadow.

Or he didn't.

As I write this, gentle readers, I have no idea what the rodent saw.
And it doesn't matter. Not one little bit.

Life keeps on moving and there's no reason that one should hide in the shadows.

Get yourself out there. Say hi. Be seen.

Whatever you do, no matter where you are in your own life, don't go hiding from your own shadow.

No Comparison

2012-01-31T09:15:00.000-05:00

Gentle readers, pull up a stool and listen to what your MatchGirl has to say.
You are like no one else.

It's true. You are you and they are they and never the twain shall meet.

When we're out of work, spending a little more time on the social web than we would have had time to before... it's easy, too easy, to look at the lives of others in our social circles and compare ourselves to those. They have a great job. They have a big family. They live in an amazing city. They have things that you want and you're just not sure how to get.

Guess what. You have things they want. You're living a life that is solely your own and you can't compare yourself to anyone else.

They have things you want? Awesome! Strive to get those things for yourself.

Just because you're a little down on your luck right now doesn't mean things won't be better soon. Especially not if you keep trying to make them better.

So, log off the social networks and spend some of this unemployed "down" time on you. And who you are. And on where you want to go.

It's Not You, It's ...

2012-01-27T09:00:00.000-05:00

Them.

It's 100% them.

Gentle readers, if you've just been laid off, your MatchGirl needs you to remember this.
Because this is not the time for moping. This is not the time for feeling sorry for oneself.
This is the time to make it work.

Unless you were very very naughty, the reason you were laid of, dear one, has nothing to do with you. So get over yourself. No matter how personal it feels, how small the company, the person who made the final decision was not thinking about you - you as a person - they were thinking about the dollar signs that you represent, sitting in that chair, using that electricity. That's it.

It feels personal. It's affecting your personal life.
But you need to find the way to push through that.

Right now, there are a lot of companies who see little in the value in their human workforce. That's on them. They need to figure out how to get their businesses through the next few months. They can't think about how you're going to feed your kids. It's just not on the agenda. So don't take it personally.

Your focus, right now, needs to be on the next steps for improving your situation.

Forget about them. It'll be easier that way.

Unemployed: Now What?

2012-01-25T08:45:00.000-05:00

As your MatchGirl promised in Monday's post, a few helpful hints about what you should do when you're newly laid off and looking for a new position.

Of course, gentle readers, this is not a definitive step by step to finding a new job. Your MatchGirl doesn't have that sussed yet herself. A week and a half of unemployment is still pretty new ... but here are some tips that will certainly set you on the right track.

Make sure your social media profiles are up to date. More and more HR pros are turning to LinkedIn to research candidates, so make sure that your profile is 100% filled in - with tags on your strengths and your most recent accomplishments listed.

Do the same to the resume you'll send as an attachment.

Start connecting. LinkedIn, email, Facebook ... wherever you know people professionally, start reaching out. Don't be embarrassed about losing your job - unless you really really messed up. We've all been in your shoes and people, in your MatchGirl's experience, are almost always willing to lend a hand. You've just got to ask for it. So, whether that means a recommendation from your former boss, asking someone in your industry to keep an ear to the ground for you, or reaching out to a former mentor and seeing if they have some time to talk with you, you need to do it.

Take meetings that have no promise of an open position or a job at all. It doesn't hurt to get out and see what else is out there. If there is a place you'd love to work and someone there has some time to chat with you, jump on that. If a job at that company doesn't come out of it right away, at least you've made a new connection, at that company and in your industry.

Don't mope. Sure, use this extra time to catch up on Mad Men before the series 5 premier, to run errands in the middle of the day, but don't sit around and do nothing. Reach out to former colleagues. Sign up for meetups and networking events. Put yourself out there and keep doing it.

In the economy, especially, it's a town of warm leads. A recommendation from someone who can vouch for you is worth a lot more than the right words on your resume.

Unemployment: The Second Time Around

2012-01-23T09:19:00.000-05:00

Gentle readers, when your MatchGirl was first laid off in 2008, she did not really have a purpose to her life, to her career. She was drifting around and figuring out what to make of things and how to get closer to working in a place that, while maybe not making her happy, did not make her miserable. At least not on a daily basis, anyway.

Through this tome, through Twitter, through connecting with people, through the advice of friends, she came upon something that she enjoys doing. That she has a passion for.

I think, dear readers, that is why it feels so different this time around.

This time around, there was no moping, no feeling sorry for oneself. There was simply a jump to action. There were resumes sent, there were phone calls made, there were LinkedIn connections revitalized. There was a network full of smart people - people who work in the same world as your MatchGirl, who share similar passions - to reach out to.

So. You're newly laid off and terrified of what's to come.
No worries. It happens to the best of us.
You'll make it through, because you're smart and resourceful.
Will you need to change some things in your day-to-day life? Yes.
Will you need to draw on an inner strength you're not sure you possess? For sure.
Will you come out the other end? Of course. We all do. Eventually.

Next post... some tips for getting started, when you're starting again.

Putting The "Un" Back In Unemployed

2012-01-20T09:19:00.000-05:00

Gentle readers.

You may have noticed that the name of this small blog has changed from Unemployed Brooklyn back to its original title - Unemployed Brooklyn.

Yes. That's right.
Your MatchGirl is once again on the dole queue.
The company for which she worked faced some setbacks in the fourth quarter, which led to a major restructure. While they'll probably push through and come out all right on the other side, for now, your MatchGirl and several of her colleagues are pounding the (virtual) pavement.

Don't despair, though, dear readers, Your MatchGirl feels totally OK.

Your MatchGirl will keep you updated as she moves forward in her quest for a new position. And of course, this little tome will continue to bring you thoughts on the plight of the under and unemployed in this country as we move through the current election cycle.

Stay tuned ... I have a feeling there will be a lot to talk about.

In Order To Form A More Perfect Union ...

2012-01-16T07:45:00.000-05:00

Early last year, gentle readers, your MatchGirl wrote about the anniversary of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire and the need we still have for oversight for employees. Whether you fully agree with that or not, I'd like you to take a moment to look at the photo above and have a good think on what it says. Because, dear ones, I assure you that one of these parties is serving their country in a much more productive way - ensuring America's future, not their own.

Just something to think about ...

Get Out The Vote

2012-01-11T09:19:00.000-05:00

People used to line up to vote, gentle readers.

It was a right worth fighting for. It was a privilege worth showing up for.

Yesterday we saw the NH Primary. It was growing up in New Hampshire that made your MatchGirl so interested in the political process. And she's saddened to see its gamemanship only grow as the years go by... But, one thing she knows, dear ones, is that you can only change the rules by taking part. By showing up. By voting your conscience.

No matter you political affiliation, as the year moves on, show up to vote. And to vote for the smaller offices in your town as well - those are the ones that will really affect your life. Those are the ones who will make a difference you can see.

Good luck to us all!

Changing the Conversation

2012-01-09T08:15:00.000-05:00

Today, gentle readers, your MatchGirl must announce some changes to this little blog.

It's served me well, since its inception, nearly three years ago. And it has evolved as my life has changed. And, as my life continues to evolve and change, Unemployed Brooklyn must, as well.

Don't fear, I'm not doing away with it.
There is far too much going on right now, in the current political and employment landscape to abandon it. There is too much at stake.

That said, dear ones, I will be keeping this blog focussed on issues that affect the American people as a whole. And, of course, I will follow the Republican primary (will tomorrow's, in NH, be telling?) and the general election. And any issues that may arise. From time to time I will share a piece on job hunting, interviewing or general personal development.

But as I have been spending more and more of my time thinking on topics related to social media, brand building and online relationships (and in a very different way than I *used* to thin of online relationships), I have decided to launch a new platform on which to share these thoughts. You can find that at brianacampbell.net. And, of course, if you want to check out how my home life is faring, swing on over to A Precious Environment.

Thanks to all of you for joining me on this adventure... let's keep going!

How to Fix Things

2012-01-06T07:30:00.000-05:00

Gentle readers, Tuesday was the day of the Iowa Caucus, and next week marks the New Hampshire primary. It marks the beginning of our presidential election cycle.

And while I'll write more, as the year progresses, on this topic, you know that I've been urging you to vote in your local elections, to take part in government at the most local levels if you really want things to improve. But this is the election cycle that gets everyone amped up every four years, so it's the one your MatchGirl will talk about now.

The right to vote is something that people, not so very long ago, fought very hard for. And it's something that we now so easily take for granted.

If we want things to change, gentle readers, we need to take a stand.
We need to stop blaming the politicians (who are, for the most part, royal screw ups, one and all) and take a hard look at how they got into office.
We put them there.
All of us.
We bought into sound bites and rhetoric and the gaming of politics.
We skipped voting at mid-term elections.
We put into office the guys (and gals) we'd like to have a beer (or latte or wine spritzer) with. Not the person who was the best qualified for the job.
And we've been doing it for a long time now.

It's time to stop.
It's time to vote.
It's time to pay attention to what the candidates motivations, beliefs and ideals really are. It's time to look at their voting record.
It's time to respect compromise and to boo political baiting and gamesmanship.

It's time to take responsibility for what's become of this country.
It's time to fix it.

Angels Get Their Wings

2012-01-04T07:30:00.000-05:00

My dad's favorite movie of all time is Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."

And your MatchGirl was thinking about that movie as she reflects back on this past year, and as she turns her eyes forward to the year to come.

In case you've lived under a rock for your entire life, the movie tells the story of George Bailey, whose Savings & Loan misplaces some money (Oh, Uncle Billy!) and George, distraught, tries to kill himself. He's saved by a weird little man - an angel named Clarence - who shows George how the town of Bedford Falls, and its inhabitants would have fared had he not been there in the first place. Needless to say, it's not a pretty picture.

Something I've always known, and something that is made clearer to me every day is how very connected the world is. How much our smallest gestures can make someone else's day, or life, a little bit better.

Clarence reminds George to keep something in mind. And, your MatchGirl thinks it's something we should all, gentle readers, keep top of mind at all times. He cautions - Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.

Thanks to all of you, for being my friends. For being my family.
Thank you for letting me connect you to each other.
Thank you for taking a moment, from time to time, to see the world through my eyes.

It's because of you, dear readers, that I get up every day and do and do some more.
It's because of my dear friends who allow me to share my life with theirs, and who give me the same favor, that I know my life, while not perfect is good.

These threads that connect us to each other, be the IRL or online, they're important.

The New Great Depression

2011-12-22T07:45:00.000-05:00

Gentle readers, your MatchGirl is a bit terrified. Terrified of what's coming down the pike. Terrified of what is going to become of us.

In reading this piece in the Washington Post earlier this week, I realized that we really are coming to the next great depression in America.

The article, an adaptation of Bruce Springsteen's intro to Someplace in America: Tales From The New Great Depression, reminisces about a book that came out 30 years ago, by the same authors, filled with pictures and stories of ordinary Americans just struggling to get by.

Springsteen writes:

That book — “Journey to Nowhere,” by Dale Maharidge and Michael S. Williamson — put real lives, names and faces on statistics we’d all been hearing about throughout the ’80s. People who all their lives had played by the rules, done the right thing and had come up empty, men and women whose work and sacrifice had built this country, who’d given their sons to its wars and then whose lives were marginalized or discarded. I lay awake that night thinking: What if the craft I’d learned was suddenly deemed obsolete, no longer needed? What would I do to take care of my family? What wouldn’t I do?

Without getting on a soapbox, these are the questions Maharidge and Williamson posed with their words and pictures. Men and women struggling to take care of their own in the most impossible conditions and still moving on, surviving.

Gentle readers, is this not the same thing we've been talking about for the past (over) three years? What happened to this country, the political rut we are stuck in, occurred be cause we as citizen's were too blinded by the glitter of a small economic boom to see failure coming. What has happened to this country has happened to this country before, yes, in the poverty and layoffs of the 80s - where manufacturing jobs started on their inevitable decline - but also in the wake of the "roaring twenties."

Extremes, dear ones, are not sustainable.

The failure that we didn't see coming - how stupid were we. Plants started shutting down in the midwest and the south. The family farm started getting eaten by the factory farm. Wages were cut in half and half again (The great book Methland: The Death and Life of an American Small Town, by Nick Reding details well what the loss of these types of jobs has done to our country). Towns started to die. This started in the 1980s.

But what did we do? As citizens?
Sure, we donated to FarmAid, but FarmAid still exists. Thirty years later we're still begging for donations to help the family farm. And, maybe, in some places, this is coming. And maybe, as more people really want to know where the food they're eating comes from, we'll see their lives improve. We'll see.

We bemoaned the loss of "real American jobs." We watched Roger & Me. But what else did we do?
Did we "buy American"? Maybe.
Did it help? Not so much.
Because those American cars, at least parts of them, were being manufactured in Mexico and Taiwan and loads of other places where the labor was/is cheap and labor laws barely existent.

What we did not do, gentle ones, is look at the core problem.
What we did not do is to invest in education.
What we did not do was look at spending money now to teach people to be more prosperous in the future.

My generation, Generation X for those of you who pay attention to those things, is the first generation to be, overall, worse off than the one before it. Let's not let it keep getting worse for the ones who come after us.

Let's let our leaders - the ones in office, they work for us, you know - know that we want them to think long term. That we want them to invest in education and innovation. That we want them to look beyond creating 5,000 for the next 3 years and figure out how to create 5,000,000 over the next thirty.

Let's learn a lesson from our past - for once - and push push push for an American where there is a priority placed on learning to the highest level, of the skills that will build a future and carry us forward into the 22nd century.

Sure, we won't be around to see it, but that doesn't mean it's not a worthy investment.

Collaboration

2011-12-19T07:45:00.000-05:00

Gentle readers, as many of you know, at the beginning of this year, your MatchGirl joined the street team of Seth Godin's Domino Project. I believe I reflected on it for the first time in February of this year. And I got my first big jolt of inspiration after devouring Godin's Poke the Box- and wrote about it here.

The thing is, dear ones, your MatchGirl continues to be inspired and motivated by this project, even though it has officially come to an end.

What is it that's kept me so motivated?
It's keeping in touch with the other members of the street team, scattered throughout the world.
It's watching them take deep breaths and do the scary things they weren't sure they could do.
It's being part of the community.
And it's keeping the collaboration going.

Your MatchGirl is a big fan of collaboration.
Of coming together.
It's part of why she was so excited to help in the founding of Work It Brooklyn. And why she continues to encourage all of you to come together.

Through working together, we can make good ideas great.
We can make small accomplishments big achievements.
We can turn the germ of an idea into something that will change the world.

No one can do it alone, though.
I promise you that, gentle ones.
No matter who you are. No matter how big your personality. No matter how much money you have. No matter who your parents are.
Anything you do solo in this world can only be made better by coming together with other smart people. Whether they code or write or market or keep your ego in check. If they give you answers and keep your ego in line (no matter your talent) they're worth your time.

What's the best collaborative project you've worked on? What inspires you to keep connecting and collaborating? I'd love for you to share your stories with me.

Your Fair Share

2011-12-14T07:45:00.000-05:00

"Consideration for the rights and feelings of others is not merely a rule for behavior in public but the very foundation upon which social life is built.
Rule of etiquette the first—which hundreds of others merely paraphrase or explain or elaborate—is:
Never do anything that is unpleasant to others.
Never take more than your share—whether of the road in driving a car, of chairs on a boat or seats on a train, or food at the table."
--Emily Post, Etiquette

As we keeping talking about the 99% and the 1% (refer to this post to see what you MatchGirl has to say on the subject) and the wealth gap or income gap. And as we enter a presidential election year (hint: not the most important public official you vote for), and watch a crazy Republican primary taking place, it's easy to forget that life can be broken down into some pretty simple tenets. And that perhaps if we took a moment to reflect on them, we'd all be living a bit better right now.

The rule to live by, gentle readers, the golden rule, as it were, is sometimes hard to stick to, but it's the most important: Treat people like you yourself want to be treated.
Be nice.
Be kind.
Say excuse me, pardon me, thank you and you're welcome.
Hold the door for the person behind you
Stand up for a harried parent, an elderly person or an injured person on public transport.
Speak your mind, but don't be cruel.
Think before you speak.
Treat people like you yourself wish to - feel you deserve to - be treated.

And, this, gentle readers, from Miss Emily Post's 1922 Etiquette (now in its 18th Edition), never take more than your share.
Don't be greedy.

Work hard. Reap the reward. Sure.
But take what's your's.
That's enough.

Your MatchGirl leaves you with this (repeated from above): "Consideration for the rights and feelings of others is not merely a rule for behavior in public but the very foundation upon which social life is built."

Let's remember that, shall we?

Tipping Point

2011-12-12T07:45:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, gentle readers, a friend of your MatchGirl shared a link to this very cool interactive map about tipping for takeout food in New York City. Take a moment and go over to it.

You can see that it has several types of food listed and, when you click on them, you can see how popular they are for takeout in certain areas of the city. (Having lived in Greenpoint for over 7 years, the food listed as popular her came as no surprise to me. Even as the neighborhood changes in its residents, and a different demographic moves in, the options are still limited - though if you want Thai food, we've definitely got it!.) Then you see a little radio button where you can click and see the percentage of tip that was left with the people delivering the food.

It would stand to reason that the wealthier neighborhoods would tip better, no? They've more money, after all...

Well, it's not as simple as that, dear ones.

There are delivery people we tip more because we order more from their place of business.
There are delivery people we tip more because they arrive on our doorsteps at the speed of light.
There are delivery people we tip more because the weather outside is atrocious and we're so very glad that we didn't have to go out in that.

Looking at the map, you'll certainly see that some of the more wealthy neighborhoods are poor tippers. But the numbers are different by fractions of percentages. None of the neighborhoods tip more that 14% on average. It's not terrible. It's not amazing. I'm not judging. There are loads of reasons that people tip well and loads of reasons that people are stingy. I've written about it before (to a barrage of comments - people are passionate about this subject).

But, gentle readers, as the "season of giving" keeps rolling forward, and the economy keeps being stuck in first gear, let's take a moment to think about the people bringing us warm food on cold, cold nights.

And let's move that thinking to the world as a whole.

Many of us are in no financial state to be giving way bigger tips or donating way more to charity, but, as we're in a place where we are paying greater attention to what we're spending on a whole, let's just take a moment and spread a little more cheer when and where we can. An extra buck here, a warm (and sincere) smile there. Giving up your subway seat to a harried parent with little kids. Holding the door open for the person coming in behind you. They seem small. And they, maybe seem like they have very little to do with tipping your takeout guy.

But your MatchGirl, dear readers, is of the opinion that a little extra bit of warmth and compassion is contagious.
Especially at this time of year.

Spirit & Resolve

2011-12-07T07:45:00.000-05:00

This is the time of year, gentle readers, when, especially when things are going great in your life, that it's hard to remember that not everyone is sharing your celebrations.

Your MatchGirl is thinking back to when she was first laid off, in November of 2008 - right after the worst birthday I have ever celebrated, right after the death of my grandfather, right before Thanksgiving. Though I spent Thanksgiving in Brooklyn with dear friends, and Christmas in New Hampshire with my family, this was a low point for your MatchGirl.

I could not go out and buy gifts for people in the way I had hoped. I was living hand-to-mouth off a paltry severance (which I know I was lucky to get), as I waited for unemployment insurance to kick in. It was a bad time.

I was single.
I felt disgusting.
I felt unloveable, undate-able and unhire-able.
The weather was damp and grey and cold.
It felt like the sun never shone.

And to make matters worse, the streets were filled with the gaiety of the holidays.
I mean, come on!
Nothing like the world rubbing it in, huh?

But here's the thing, dear readers.
It was all in my head.
I was sad and allowing myself to wallow in it.
Not being able to separate the good things in my life from the dismal feelings I had.

A year later, your MatchGirl was still unemployed. And you know what? I took advantage of it for all it was worth. Money? Who needed it? You can check out my Handmade Holiday here. What had really changed, though, was my attitude. I was certainly in no better situation than I had been the year before. In fact, after over a year unemployed, I should have been more depressed, not less.

But things change.
And you come to realize where priorities should lie. What matters to you the most (it's different for every person and I wouldn't presume to say where another's priorities should lie).

That's not to say, however, that this isn't a hard time of year for those who aren't working. Or who are working at part-time jobs. Or who are getting by - just - paycheck-to-paycheck. It's tough. It's tougher than the rest of the year, for sure.

So, this month, be generous with yourself. With your thoughts.
Take a moment to recognize how your hard work has gotten you to a great place.
Take a moment to pause and reflect on what it might have been had you not gathered your resolve and pushed forward.
And take a moment to see those around you - the unemployeds, the underemployeds, your friends and neighbors - and think how you can help them to find their resolve. To make their grey days a little brighter.
I promise it will be the best gift you can give.

Year In Review

2011-12-05T07:45:00.000-05:00

Ah, gentle readers, as December rolls in and 2011 comes to a close, it's time that your MatchGirl started to think of all the changes that have occurred in the past year.

There are a lot.

Friends have gotten married and divorced. Babies have been born. Celebrations have been shared. Losses have been mourned.

Boyfriend started a new job just to start another a couple of month later.

Your MatchGirl got a promotion. She met some really cool people. She started speaking more. Writing more. Networking more.

The year has flown and sometimes I wonder, "What do I have to show for it?"
I'm still skint, after all.

But, gentle readers, though money is a big concern (especially living in New York; especially as we move forward and start to plan the rest of our life together and all that awesome yet pricey stuff that goes with it), it's not everything. It can't be. It shouldn't be.

Looking back at the past year, money aside, your MatchGirl has a lot to be excited about. A lot to be proud of. A lot to be grateful for.

Here are some, by no means all, of the highlights:

Boyfriend and I moved in together. Solidifying an already strong relationship. Moving forward into some serious, fun and terrifying territory.
I got a promotion. After doing all the social media for my company, without it as part of my job description, my hard work and initiative was rewarded with a change in title and responsibility (and a new desk on the "cool" side of the office).
The Domino Project, powered by Amazon, conceived of by Seth Godin, invited me to be part of the Street Team. Through this project, I met an amazing and supportive group of people. We share visions and projects and support each other how we can, with the resources that we've got. Some projects mean more to some than others and it all goes around. But this is a smart group of people, scattered across the globe. I'm proud to have been chosen for this project and honored and humbled to be amongst them.
I made some new friends. I love my "urban family" (ht Nick Ramsey), the one that has been growing since I've been in New York - the one I spend holidays with, celebrate weddings and birth announcements and crazy dance parties with, the one that holds me up when I am down - but I've been really excited to meet some new people - who work in my industry, who share my passions, who offer helping hands "just because" - and to get to know them as friends. You all know who you are. Thanks for coming into my life.
I celebrated. I saw friends - old and new - bring gorgeous children into this world. I traveled, and stayed home, for weddings of people who mean the world to me. I laughed at speeches by multiple brothers-of-the-groom. I cried at at least one first dance.
I traveled. Not far, but to places new and old. With Boyfriend. We brought out the the worst and the best in each other. And we explored the ideas of new possibilities for the two of us, as we build our life together.

What changes has 2011 brought into your life, dear readers? What are some of the best things that have happened to you?

What do you wish for in 2012?

I'd love for you to share your thoughts in the comments.

And Then It Hit Me!

2011-12-02T07:45:00.000-05:00

That's how inspiration is supposed to come, isn't it, gentle readers?
A bolt from the blue!
And voila! You're inspired.

Not so fast.
It's not like that. Not at all.

Sure, sometimes you'll get an amazing idea as you're drifting off to sleep at night... or in the shower in the morning... But how many of you drop what you're doing and take the time to jot that idea down? Better yet, dear ones, how many of you then go back to that scribbled note or hurriedly typed memo and do something about it?

Ah. That's what I thought.
Your MatchGirl is wise to you, you know...

For my Friday post, I remind you that after you have the great idea - that jolt of inspiration - you need to do the work to make something happen. And so do I.

So, let's get to it, dear readers.
Get a move on.
Take that notebook full of great ideas an make something happen!

Discipline

2011-11-30T07:45:00.000-05:00

I've been losing it lately, gentle readers. My discipline that is.

Bear with me as I wrap my head around the balance of work, life, the holidays, and sharing my musings with you in this small space.

Your MatchGirl has always been good at managing her time and her productivity. At not needing hands to lead her. At not needing too much guidance.

That said, she has never been exactly what one would call disciplined.
To write, though, one needs some discipline.
And so it goes.

Rookie

2011-11-28T07:45:00.000-05:00

Have you checked Rookie out?

You really should.
And not because your MatchGirl thinks that you need tips on fashion, the latest cool band, or why losing your V-card is such a big deal. Those things, of course, are all covered in Rookie.(If you're my age-ish, you'll harken back to Sassy RIP and for good reason, Jane Pratt is the "fairy-godmother" of Rookie.) It's a magazine for teenage girls.

But check it out.
Check out its contributors.
Check out its founder.

Fifteen year old Tavi Gevinson made waves in the high end fashion world as a pint-sized fashion blogger three years ago. She wowed the right people and made the right connections and instead of being a one season novelty correspondent, she's still around. She's 15. And she's the editor of her own magazine.

There's a lot we can learn from Tavi, gentle readers.
She's a smart kid. But a regular kid. She has friends and fears and ups and downs and is a fairly normal teenager (save that "Rookie" empire thing) it would seem.

But, here's the thing. And here is what makes her so very different than other people. Than many of you reading this tome. Than so many people with amazing ideas. Than so many people striving to live a creative life. Than your MatchGirl.
She's brave.
She's herself.
She lives her life marching to her own drummer and holding her head high.
At fifteen, she's a lot braver than many adults I know. She's certainly a lot braver than I feel most days.

She had an idea and she put it out there.

Who knows where her life will take her, she's still a kid, after all, but she's putting herself out there - your MatchGirl knows how hard this is for the average teenage girl, as she recalls how very very hard it was for her wallflower-self way back when - and she's doing the work and she's moving forward.

Dear readers, let's take a page from Rookie, shall we?
Let's keep doing the work, keep putting ourselves out there and keep moving forward.

It's all we can do.

Thanks

2011-11-23T09:19:00.000-05:00

Ah gentle readers, what a crazy week this has been.

Your MatchGirl must apologize for the lack of posts. Traveling and celebrating and wishing well ... not so conducive for blog writing. Perhaps very good for my sanity and clarity, however.
I'm sure you've already forgiven my brief silence.

And, as this is the week we give thanks, the time we spend with friends and loved ones - our families away from our families - This will be the only post of this week.

I am certainly thankful for a lot of things in my life. I don't want to take up too much of your time. I'd much prefer that you spend that time with those you are dear to you, who inspire you, who push you, rather than reading this little blog (at least this week, anyway).

Because your MatchGirl feels that we can be constantly inspired.
That we can be constantly challenged.
That we must greet every new obstacle as an opportunity.
That we must face every hurdle with a smile.

And we have friends we can lean on to ensure that happens.
And we have the strength inside ourselves to succeed.

It's a big scary world out there, gentle ones, and I am thankful I get to share my trials and tribulations - joy and sadness - with you. I hope that this tome is something for which you are thankful, as well. Knowing there is someone out there in the same place as you - with the same fears - for me, this is a big deal. Maybe it is for you, too.

So enjoy the time with your loved ones.

Next week, we'll return to our regularly scheduled musings ....

Courtesy

2011-11-16T09:19:00.000-05:00

Your MatchGirl, gentle readers, wants to talk to you about gaining respect. You would think that if you worked hard and were good at what you did and were respectful of others that, after all that, you would get a little respect. You would think.

And maybe that's the way the world used to work, though I somehow doubt that's the case. And it's certainly not the way the world works now.

Your MatchGirl thinks about this as she goes through her daily life. As she strives to gain respect. Or at least to some level of courtesy from those around her.

At the end of the day, gentle ones, most people are inherently selfish. They think about only themselves and about what they can get out of something, be it a job or a relationship or a business transaction. So it's not so much that the coworker not sending a deliverable or ignoring your email does not respect you. It's that they don't care.

You'll never get respect from them because they don't posses it to share in the first place. All you can do is keep doing your best, working your hardest and treating people the way you want to be treated. They'll get it eventually.

And the ones that don't?

Fuck 'em.

Work For Free

2011-11-14T11:29:00.000-05:00

Your MatchGirl, gentle readers, is from a generation where few people had internships. They were the exception, not the rule. Something that the very ambitious or very connected did. Not really the provenance of the common student. But now ... not it seems, especially in NYC, to get ahead at all, one must have not one but several internships while at university.

And here is where we get to the sticky part.

Unpaid internships, while common, are controversial. To say the least.

A recent article from NPR refers to a class action suit against Fox Searchlight for using unpaid interns as entry-level employees. That, dear ones, is illegal. In fact,"the Supreme Court ruled over 50 years ago that only work done for training purposes could go unpaid. The Labor Department says companies began skirting the rule. Last year, it moved to issue six-point test that for-profit internships must pass to comply with labor laws."

In this rough job market, though, people are looking for any foot they can get in the door. Your MatchGirl certainly relates to this. It's something she pondered during the long, hard stretch of unemployment she faced not so long ago. And, at the end, it was not something that was possible for me.

But I have known people who were looking to change careers who took unpaid internships - to get some experience under their belts, to make some connections in a new environment, to get a foot in the door. For some of them, it worked out well. They have new careers and make more than they were before. The internships were a way to meet the right people and kickstart a job change. For others, it worked out not at all, leaving them still unemployed, out of money and back at square one when the internship ended

I recently moderated a panel on breaking into the tech world in NYC and the folks on the panel, all in their early to mid-twenties, were very positive about internships. They all used them to get interviews, if not their current jobs. Even interning at a prestigious place helped them to get a foothold into a world they were trying to break into - even if they mostly were fetching coffee and running errands. A high end name on your resume, as opposed to a bunch of boutique mom'n'pop places gets you further than you may imagine. When I asked these panelists what they thought of these internships, they were all very positive - very excited. They recommended that anyone looking for a job in our field take any internship that they could get. And that if, in the end, it wasn't what they were looking for, they could just leave it.

I'm not of the same generation. And I have mixed thoughts, personally, on this.

At the end of the day, a lot of companies are on really tight budgets right now. But I think there is a need for transparency. If there is no possibility that intern will ever be hired... they need to know. If there is now way that they will be doing meaningful, resume/portfolio building work... they need to know. I've been lucky to work with some very smart, capable, and talented interns over the years. But I always strived to make it a learning experience for them as well. To offer your experience to someone coming up behind you, and to help them grow into a career/life that is going to be great for them, that is worth so much more than someone bringing you a cup of coffee or doing your filing.

I promise.

Strike Terror

2011-11-11T09:19:00.000-05:00

I'll keep it short, gentle readers. It's Friday and your MatchGirl is sure that you all have loads to accomplish today.

But your MatchGirl has spent the week thinking about her birthday wish. Though my wish for you was that you not take a passive role in your own life, I'd like to posit something else here today. Something that you need to do.

Do something that terrifies you. Do something you'd never expect yourself to do. Do something that makes butterflies swarm your stomach and your blood run cold (if even for a moment). And do it for yourself.

Your MatchGirl is doing it, too. And she promises she'll share with you when the time is right.

But for now... what terrifying thing will you do?

New Channels for Old School Businesses

2011-11-09T09:19:00.000-05:00

Tonight, gentle readers, your MatchGirl is moderating a panel on how to use social media to promote your creative business. It's a Work It Brooklyn hosted discussion. And it's important.

On a call just the other day, a colleague asked if we were doing enough to cater to small businesses. Do digital events and social media conferences preach to the choir, or do they seem open and inclusive, and, to my mind more importantly, educational, to the public at large? Your MatchGirl finds the tech community in New York to be one that's super welcoming and inclusive. But she also agrees that conferences are often expensive and geared towards those already working within the industry.

That's partly why I'm so excited for tonight's Work It Brooklyn event. Through it, we hope to educate people on how to use social media to promote their creative business. To promote themselves. We've got an amazing group of people on board, all of whom have built their own brand and business via online social networks and non-traditional means.

This event will give you a little education on how to use social media platforms, and your existing networks, to promote yourself. The world of social media platforms is about more than looking at pictures of kids and kittens. It's about more than 140 characters of what you had for dinner. It's about more than a fucked up little kid, fresh from the dentist's office.

It's a tool. And what you do with it is up to you.

Interested? Register here.

My Birthday Wish

2011-11-07T09:19:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I turned 36.

That's right, gentle readers, your MatchGirl is now officially closer to forty than thirty.
This dear ones, is a big deal.

Maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe it should mean nothing.
I mean, I look young. People mistake me for young all the time. To my advantage and to my disadvantage. And, in fact, when I mention my age and where I'm at in my life, people say things like "It's OK. You don't look in your mid-thirties."

This, gentle ones, is stupid.

Because whether your MatchGirl could pass for 26 or not, it doesn't make any difference at all.
You see, your MatchGirl is not 26. She hasn't been for a decade. And there is no going back.

Your MatchGirl isn't where she thought she'd be at this point in her life, it's true. She's on her way ... maybe ... in the right direction. She's making hard choices. She's trying to move forward as hard and fast as she possibly can. But today, she ponders being thirty-six. What that means and where she should be.

And as she does, and as she knows many of her readers are younger, she wishes you to live life to the fullest. To not wait around for someone else to offer a hand. To ask for what you need. To take a deep breath and work through all the scary stuff and jump right in to where you want to go.

The worse that could happen? You'll get rejected.
And that sucks.

But it sucks a lot harder to look back on parts of your life and wonder where they went.

My birthday wish, gentle readers, is for you to go as hard and long and strong as you can. It's for you to look fear in the face and laugh. It's that you will not be looking back and wondering which decisions you could have made differently.

Don't take a passive role in your life, dear ones. It's not OK.
And it won't get you anywhere.

My birthday wish is that you learn that at an earlier age than your MatchGirl did.

Cover Letters: A Checklist

2011-11-04T09:19:00.000-04:00

Your MatchGirl, gentle readers, finds herself, as she's written here before, from time to time in the postion to review cover letters and resumes. And while she knows how stressful job hunting is, and while she knows how tedious it is to write specific cover letter after specific cover letter... it needs to be done.

Gentle readers, the cover letter is the first thing a hiring manager (or the person vetting the resumes) sees.

Here's a checklist to help you avoid some common mistakes:

Did you address the letter to the right person?
Did you spell their name right?

Did you make sure to mention the right company?

Did you specify the job title/posting your going for?

Did you reference passions, skills and career goals pertinent to the job at hand?

Sure, these seem pretty simple, but you'd be amazed at how many people don't take a moment to pat attention to the detail that their cover letter really needs.

Cover letter posts are always good here at Unemployed Brooklyn. What are some tips you'd like to share? Feel free to leave them in the comments.

Work It Brooklyn: Using Social Media to Promote Your Creative Business

2011-11-02T09:19:00.000-04:00

As you know, gentle readers, your MatchGirl spends a lot of time in her day-to-day working and living on social networks. As a social media professional, she has to spend a lot of time thinking about how people connect and communicate. As a person who loves to connect people, she spends a lot of time using these platforms for herself.

Next week, Work It Brooklyn presents a panel discussion on using social media, and non-traditional means, to promote your creative business.

I'm really excited to be moderating this panel - we've got Aaron Goldfarb, author of How to Fail and The Cheat Sheet; Kiki Valdes, painter and founder of Ownzee and OpenZine; Jeff Ramos, personal branding specialist; Laura Zapata of The Cools; Allison Robicelli of, well, of course, Robicelli's!

These are all people who have not only used social media platforms to promote themselves and their creative businesses, but who have really thought "outside the box" to make things happen for their businesses.

Next Wendesday, November 9, Work It Brooklyn is please to present this panel at Brooklyn Winery in Williamsburg. For more information and to register, please check out the Eventbrite page: http://wib11911.eventbrite.com/

Space is limited, so register (here) today!

Wearing Disguises

2011-10-31T09:19:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, today is Halloween.
It's a day of masks and disguises. It's a day of dressing up as someone else.
Sometimes those costumes are aspirational, sometimes motivational, (sometimes just ridiculous).

But we put on costumes every day, don't we?

We show one mask at the office, another to our lover, another to our parents or long-time friends. We put on costumes to steel ourselves against a potentially very bad day. In hopes of making a day better. In preparation for the best and for the worst.

Your MatchGirl, gentle readers, does this, too.

It's only human, I think.

But are there times when this can hurt us? Or, are there times when we should be wearing disguises when we don't have them on?

Your MatchGirl is thinking particularly about the workplace. The average 9-to-5 is not News Radio or Bones or even Cheers. Even if you get along very well with your colleagues, your workplace is probably not where the majority of what's important in your life really goes down. Sure, it's the place where you spend the most time. And it's so good to get along with those people that you are spending 8+ hours a day with. But do you need to show them all of you?

This is something your MatchGirl has been considering lately. When can showing too much of who you are - too much of what makes you tick - be detrimental to you at your job?

Maybe it's good to put on a mask before you head out to your morning commute.
What do you think?

Ghosts of the Past

2011-10-28T09:19:00.000-04:00

Your MatchGirl wrote here, not that long ago, about the ghosts from our pasts. The ones that come to haunt us when we are least expecting them. The ones whose voices stick with us, no matter what we do, as we carry on and keep on moving forward in our lives.

Last week your MatchGirl encountered one such ghost of lifetime past. One who has lingered in her mind - in the things she doubts about herself and in the things she touts about herself - for over a decade.

And here is what I learned:

While it's good to face one's demons, it's even better to face one's ghosts. Because while those inner demons are part of you, the ghosts are from the outside. It's harder to change how those voices affect you because you don't have any control over where those words came from to begin with.

Your MatchGirl, while not on exactly firm ground, life-wise, is at a good place to face those ghosts. She's at a good place with her relationships. She's got forward momentum when it comes to her career. She knows where she wants to go and she can see a path (fuzzy as it may be right now) of how to achieve it.

As for the ghost... well, gentle readers, he was the same person he's always been. And that was good to see. Because your MatchGirl, she's the same person she's always been, too. She's just a stronger, tougher, older, more confident version of it.

What do you think? As you move through your life, do you hear voices of those ghosts from your past? Do you let them hold you back? Or do you use those whispers to help propel yourself forward?

Army Of One

2011-10-26T09:19:00.000-04:00

Yeah... you.

You're an army of one.

You're the person who can fix all this bullshit.

You're the person who can fix your own life.

You're the person who can stand up to the bullies.

You're the person who can make the world a better place.

It's not so hard, gentle readers, if you just think about it. You are the most powerful weapon in your arsenal. You are the person who can make the biggest difference in your own life.

Let your MatchGirl share with you a few simple ways you can make a difference in your world.

Vote - not just in the big elections. In the small local ones that effect what happens in your local environment.
Donate - time, money, clothes, blood. Whatever you have. You don't need it all. Donate it to somewhere that can use it.
Speak up - for what you believe in and for those who can't or don't know how to do it for themselves. Engaged in social media networks? Use those channels like a megaphone.

It's simple, dear ones. It only takes a few small actions to accomplish the biggest goals.

And the person who should take the first step? Why, that's you of course.

Generation Gap

2011-10-24T09:19:00.000-04:00

By now, gentle readers, you've seen this post: Generation X Doesn't Want to Hear It (if you haven't, click that link and go a check it out. I'll wait). And you've read the comments. And the commentary. And you've formed your opinions on Mat Honan. Maybe you read it as a rant on Occupy Wall Street (personally, your MatchGirl sees how people did, but didn't think about it herself - probably since everyone she knows who is occupying anywhere is well over thirty). Maybe you read something different, something more...

I did.

Your MatchGirl, herself, is very sick of the GenY people who only speak of being GenY. As though that's their accomplishment. That they were born to a certain time. Companies need to bend to them. The world needs to change for them. They can throw a tantrum and get what they want. It's always worked that way, right?

Screw that.

I've got no problem with Millenials (GenY, whatever). A lot of you, dear readers, fit that demographic. Many of my closest friends do, as well. As do some of my talented colleagues and loads of people who I admire and respect.

But here's the difference, those people are out there. They are living their lives to the fullest. They are doing something for others. They are writing code and creating art and making music and changing the world, one step at a time. They are not sitting in their 9-to-5's complaining about how the world is not bending to their needs. They are not sitting there saying that because they are Millenial that everyone should work around them and their needs. They, in fact, don't go around singing that they are GenY from the rooftops.

They are out there.
They are doing.
They are just them.
And who they are is pretty cool.

But that's my complaint about the GenY that we see in the every day. In the media. In the comments of Mat's post.

To those members of GenY, I say: Stop whining. Start doing.

Generation X, of which your MatchGirl is a born in the 1970s, card-carrying member of, doesn't want to hear it. It's true. No one listened to our whining. No one gave us trophies or prizes or a decent living. We make less than our parents did. It's possible, if something doesn't change soon, that our children will be worse off than we are. Our idols are dead. Our high school fashions were terrible. We got a hot five minutes of fame from a book by Douglas Coupland. And then GenY got a little older and, for the most part, Generation X was forgotten.

Your MatchGirl is proud of who she is and where she's from. She's glad of things that she was able to experience, simply by the fact of when she was born. But it's not all that makes me me.

And if you are a member of GenY, it shouldn't be what you're identity is wrapped up in, either. Be you. Shine. Do good. Live well.

As to the rest?
Hell, man, age ain't nothing but a number.

Fight For Your Rights

2011-10-21T09:19:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, your MatchGirl is an advocate for standing up for oneself. She offers you that advice on a regular basis.

The thing about advice, dear ones, is that it is always easier to give than to make happen for yourself. And while your MatchGirl has fought and clawed for what she needs in her life, she often wonders if it is really enough. Could she have been tougher? Could she have said no louder? Could she have gotten more had she just asked?

I think maybe.

So, gentle readers, I present to you a challenge.

To ask for something that you want. To say no to something that you simply do not want to do. To be tough and hold your tears in the face of adversity.

At the end of the day, no matter how wide and full of hugs your support system is, you are the one who can fix what's wrong with your life. You are the one who can make things better for you. Sure, you might need a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on. But you are the one who has to make the big decisions and face the hard choices.

You are the one who gets to decide what direction your life will go in.

So stand up.

And fight for it.

Want To Be In The Papers?

2011-10-19T09:19:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, your MatchGirl received this email last night and though she would pass it on to you.

My name is C [name redacted]. I am a student at Columbia University's Journalism School and I am also working with the Brooklyn Ink this semester. I am currently working on a story about unemployment in Brooklyn and I came across your "Unemployed Brooklyn" website.

I was wondering, do you currently know anyone (personally or otherwise) who fits into the following categories (note: they need to fit all criteria):
Lives in Brooklyn (it doesn't matter where)
Is middle class
Has been unemployed for 2 years or less
Has a family
Is college educated. (i.e. at least some college experience)

What do you say? Can you lend a hand to our intrepid reporter? Message me if you are able and I'll pass you along to C.

Your MatchGirl has been lucky to have received a lot of attention through this little blog. And it certainly helped me to find my voice and tell my story. Now ... I pass that opportunity on to you. Find your voice, Tell your story, and help out our friendly reporter at The Brooklyn Ink.

Storytelling

2011-10-17T09:19:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, when your MatchGirl was unemployed and looking for a new job. Looking to turn her life into a new direction, she had to learn to tell her own story.

And when you are building your personal brand, you need to figure out the best way to tell you story.

Your MatchGirl lectures you here all the time about the best way for you to tell your story. She talks about the two-minute job interview. She talks about how you can sell yourself with a soundbite. And she shares the stories that others are telling - to inspire you to action.

If you're looking for a new job, if you're a freelancer - you need to be able to tell your story and tell it well. You need to practice sharing it. You need to be able to let others know the key points about you.

People are short on time. They are short on attention. So you need to hold on to it.

And, hey ... everyone likes a good story.

What Democracy Looks Like

2011-10-14T09:19:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, your MatchGirl, as you know, is not afraid to take a political stance on this blog.

She's not afraid of ruffling feathers. And she's not afraid of asking you all to take a stand.

Your MatchGirl was unemployed for a year and a half. At the height of the recession. And during that time, she worked her butt off. Did she take jobs that paid $8 an hour? No. I was lucky that I was able to collect back on my unemployment insurance and get some benefits. And I knew that if I fell into a job making $8 an hour, there would be no time to look for a job to put me in the right direction. But the reason I was unemployed at all was because the banks fucked up. And the small business I worked at couldn't keep going. I was a casualty. And I rose from the ashes of that company - to push myself into a better place. To help you all get to a better place.

But the world, the one we walk in and out of every day, is not becoming a better place. Not for ordinary people.

I hope that you will all take the time, just 10 minutes, to watch this video, embedded below, by my friend Mike Gill.

When your MatchGirl first saw it, tears came to my eyes. To see the veterans, older men, who served a country they loved and who have watched it fall apart, lock arms, and insist on being the first line of defense against the oncoming police... It's powerful stuff.

"What Democracy Looks Like: The View From Occupy Boston"
from Michael Gill on Vimeo.

Your MatchGirl is a liberal person. You all know that.
I think it's fine for you to have different views than I do. I think as long as you're informed, dear readers, on the full picture, with all the facts, and not just collecting soundbites and parroting them to your friends or to those who disagree with you, that we can agree to sit on our opposite sides.
Your MatchGirl is against war. I have friends who are veterans and not only do I respect them, I am in awe of them. I could not do what they have done. I couldn't carry that passion. I also have family members who are veterans - my dad, of Vietnam, and my Grampa, of WWII - and who are still in the military - my cousin Angus joined the Marines in 1992 and still serves, including as a medic in Afghanistan.

I know people who work on Wall Street.

I know the 1% and I am amongst the 99%.

Your MatchGirl is not occupying Wall Street.
But I have friends at both Occupy Wall Street and Occupy Boston. And I'm proud of them.
They are not "lazy hipsters" nor are they "trust fund kids". They are people in their late 30s and 40s, who have worked hard, who have chased their dreams, who are finding their voice. And who are asking for a better life - for themselves and for those who will come after us.

In "An Open Letter to that 53% Guy," Max Urdago writes:

We can have a reasonable standard for what level of work qualifies you for the American Dream, and work to build a society that realizes that dream, or we can chew each other to the bone in a nightmare of merciless competition and mutual contempt.

I suggest you all check out his letter.

Because whether you want to Occupy (Wherever) or you think it's all a crock of shit, Max makes some great points.

It's all about fixing the country. And fighting to keep it a great place to live and work and raise a family.

It's all about the American Dream being about more than working 70 hours a week for just over minimum wage and not even being able to get your teeth fixed or have a regular doctor's visit.

If we really want America to be great again, we need to remember what made it great in the first place.

Revolution. Equality. And Democracy.

Pitch Yourself With a Soundbite

2011-10-12T09:19:00.000-04:00

It's all about the headline, isn't it, gentle readers? As our connected society spends more and more time online, it's all about conveying your message, complicated as it may be, in the least amount of characters.

If you think about it, this makes a lot of sense.
And, no, your MatchGirl's not just talking about Twitter.

Think about newspapers, tabloids and those trashy magazines you just can't help but pick up when you're waiting in the checkout line. Why do you pick those up? Why are you drawn to flip through them. It's the headline, of course.

The same goes for our digital world. The Tweets that are most clicked on draw the reader in - they make them want to click the link. Your MatchGirl experiments with this all the time. She will send out the same link several times a day, with a different "teaser" or headline to draw you in. And while I'm still figuring out that formula, it's a great experiment to see what tweets are opened versus how much time is spent on those posts. (If I find a perfect formula, I'll be sure to let you know.)

Now, let's get to the soundbite.
Think about what you know about the Republican presidential candidates.
Think about what you know about the demands of Occupy Wall Street or even the Tea Party Movement.
Or, to be frank, anything that's happening in the news right now.
For the most part, unless you've done some research and due diligence, what you know about this stuff has come to you in soundbites - quick and pithy, 30 seconds or less.

People are the same way.
What you know now about your friends, it's all on Facebook, or Twitter, or LinkedIn. It's the soundbites they are choosing for themselves - it's the face they put out to the world. It's the few moments of the best of them that makes you want to read further into their lives.

And the same is true in your job search. We've talked here about the 2-minute interview and we'll keep talking about it. Practicing your pitch - whether your trying to sell yourself or your product - is the best way to get your story out there. People's attention spans are short, and no it's not due to social networks or Mtv, it's because people are, most of the time, really busy trying to figure out what will be best for them. Not you. It's because they have their own agenda. It's because while they're talking to you, in the back of their minds, they are making a grocery list, or going through their agenda for the next day... even if they are paying attention (OK. Not always, but a lot of the time).

So, practice your soundbite. Think about the 30 seconds of your elevator pitch that you want people to remember most. This is your moment to shine. And most of the time, you don't get much more than that. Just a moment.

In 1492 ...

2011-10-10T09:19:00.000-04:00

Just a thought...

A Liberal Arts View of Technology

2011-10-07T09:19:00.000-04:00

Your MatchGirl knows that everyone and their mother has been posting about Steve Jobs the past couple of days. And your MatchGirl, given yesterday's post, is no different.

Some posts have been received in controversy. Some have brought tears to people's eyes.. And no matter what you think of Steve Jobs the man, I don't think, gentle readers, that anyone can deny that his point of view changed the way that millions of people approach - and are able to approach - technology. And through that, the world.

A little story for you, dear readers: My grandfather owned a store in the White Mountains of New Hampshire - it was one of those stores where you could buy your groceries, your snow shovel and a new toy for your kid. It was three stories and served people from the many small towns in the area. And I remember walking into the office one day and there was a computer running the show. It was a Macintosh SE. And, while it didn't last long at the store (I can't recall what followed it), it came home with my family and I wrote term papers, mediocre short stories and my college applications on it over the next five years. I learned to play around on MacPaint and MacDraw and, later, on faster computers (with actual internal hard drives) got pretty good with Quark, too. I wrote my first emails on a Macintosh LC.

That's not really the point of this essay, though. So many of you have had a similar experience. So many of you have a first time-Mac story that is part of your personal history.

The point of that little story about the SE - that's more about my Grampa. He heard that the Mac was the best and he wanted the best. I can't recall why he gave it to us, and he's not around any longer to ask. But I do know that in 1998, when that Bondi Blue iMac came out, my Grampa, aged 78, drove two hours to the closest store selling them and took one home.

Listening to Fresh Air on NPR on Thursday night, they replayed part of a 1996 interview with Steve Jobs, where he said, to paraphrase, that he wanted to bring "a liberal arts point of view to the use of computers." He didn't want people to feel confused when setting them up or using them. He wanted them to be intuitive and part of the whole. A liberal arts education is focused on bringing all the parts of academia together to make a whole, a better, person, and, to me, it seems that's what Steve Jobs wished for Apple to bring to computing.

"In my perspective ... science and computer science is a liberal art, it's something everyone should know how to use, at least, and harness in their life. It's not something that should be relegated to 5 percent of the population over in the corner. It's something that everybody should be exposed to and everyone should have mastery of to some extent, and that's how we viewed computation and these computation devices."

It's too soon, in my opinion, to see what Steve Jobs' legacy will truly be. He's left behind some amazing innovation. He's left us looking at technology, and what it can be, in an entirely different light. But making computers something that almost everyone has, that everyone can figure out how to use, sometimes with just a swipe of their finger, that will be one of them. Making computers things that are not only great to know how to use, but a coveted and cool part of one's arsenal, that's another.

The ability to stay connected to what matters most to us - that's a pretty nice something to leave behind.

Have The Courage To Follow Your Heart

2011-10-05T23:19:00.000-04:00

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” - Steve Jobs

image from apple.com

A Country Built On Rights

2011-10-05T09:19:00.000-04:00

On the subway the other morning, your MatchGirl saw a sign for the Ken Burns documentary, Prohibition. And the words on it struck me, gentle readers, so much, that I thought they bore sharing here with you.

The poster posed this question (to paraphrase): In a country built on rights how could everything have gone so wrong?

Oh my.

I feel like this is the question that the people who are occupying Wall Street (and Boston, LA, Chicago, etc...) are asking. I feel like this is a question that we all need to be asking ourselves. Right now.

The unemployment rate is high.
The income gap is seemingly un-bridgeable.
The world is not becoming a better place.

I certainly don't have it any better than my parents did - in fact, when I look around, at my career, at my life - I have it a lot worse than they did when they were my age.

And things are not getting better.

There is no one who will help. Maybe there is no one who can help.

So, dear readers, I ask you this, what are you going to do for yourself? What are you going to do to make your life better - to make the lives of those around you better and richer and brighter?

Give yourself a helping hand and pull up a few friends along the way.

Your MatchGirl is pretty sure it's the only way we can make the world a better place.

Who Needs An English Major?

2011-10-03T09:19:00.000-04:00

This weekend your MatchGirl had the opportunity to hear American RadioWorks "Who Needs An English Major?" on WNYC.

As I've been thinking, gentle readers, about the state of our educational system of late (in posts such as Jobs For The Future? Rethink Education and Higher Education Reform?), this was a special that certainly piqued my interest. As someone who went to a good liberal arts college - a small, private university in New England - this is something I think about and have some opinions on.

I spent most of my twenties trying to figure out what to do next, following my fears instead of my dreams, and not pushing myself to achieve much more than what I was doing at that exact moment. I deferred, though never defaulted, on college loans and, to that end, still have a few years of payments left to go as I approach my thirty-sixth birthday. Sometimes, this makes me crazy.

But then I think of what I got out of that education. Sure. I'm not a doctor or a lawyer. Though many of my classmates are. I certainly didn't marry my college sweetheart, I never really had one. But I learned to be different among people who were the same. I learned that standing out is not so bad. I learned to speak my mind and to question authority. I learned about the power of community and the power that can come from not only common interests, but from disparate ones.

Could I have learned these things at my state university? Sure. I probably could have. A lot of people I went to high school with went on to college in our hometown and have thrived. Though some are still treading water.

But what would not have happened, had I gone to my local university is this - I would not have learned to spread my wings and fly. The school was too close to the safety net of my mom and dad. Too close to the social life of high school. Too close to who I was known to be, not to who I could become.

I don't know if people need to go to small liberal arts colleges, they're not for everyone. They were never meant to be.

But I do know that people need to learn to jump. And that they need to figure out how to pick themselves up when they fall. For me, studying studio art, running a college radio station, booking bands and getting lost walking around Boston in 1993, these are all things that helped me learn to fly. These are all experiences that made me the adult I have become. And will guide me through my future.

Well rounded, intelligent, interested people, they are what make the world an amazing place. And they very often are products of liberal arts educations - not business schools.

Your Job Interview = A First Date

2011-09-30T09:19:00.000-04:00

Think of it that way, gentle readers.

Those of you who've had eyes on this tome for a while now know that your MatchGirl knows of what she speaks.

You were lucky enough to get that first interview... so now what? You feel nervous and anxious and not sure what comes next. Right? Yep. That's just like dating.

Just like on a first date, you want to show your future employer the very best you. Here are a few tips to make that happen.

Dress to impress. Even if you know the place is a jeans and T-shirt kind of tech start-up, take it up a notch and dress up.

No cell phone. Turn it off. Or at least silent. Don't leave it on vibrate, you'll still notice it and get distracted. Your attention needs to be fully on the person you're with.

Make eye contact. It's the best way to engage someone. Don't stare them down, of course, but definitely hold their gaze.

Listen. Being an attentive listener will help you make a great impression.

Ask questions. As much as you are there to sell yourself, you're also there to listen. And learn. Even if you did a ton of research on the company (or Googled the bejeezus out of the date) or if the person you're meeting told you every possible thing under the sun, make sure to ask some relevant questions. It will make it seem like you were paying attention while they were speaking.

Count to three. Before you answer a question. And think about the answer. Even the most anticipated question, with the most practiced answer, might require a different approach when you're inside the conversation.

No gum. Seriously. No one wants to talk to someone chawing away on a hunk of chicle.

What are your best job interview/fist date tips?

Ghosts In The Machine

2011-09-28T09:19:00.000-04:00

As we go through this life, there is a constant ebb and flow of people we meet. Of people we lose. Of people we loved but we'll never see again.

Your MatchGirl, gentle readers, has been seeing ghosts. Not the kind that horror movies and Halloween specials are made of but ghosts of the past.

Maybe visions is a better word.

It's funny because in the age of social networks, we forget how easy it once was to lose hold, to lose track, to lose contact with people. But I think it still happens. And when you come face-to-face with one of those ghosts again, it brings you back to another time and place.

Your MatchGirl writes here, often, about using social media for your job search, about the importance of networking and keeping track of who you meet - of heling others because one day they might help you. We forget sometimes, though, in our push for the next big thing - the next job, the next promotion - that there are people from other parts of our lives who have helped us grow to where we stand now.

I was interviewed recently and asked, "What do you wish you knew when you were in college?" This is something that your MatchGirl has thought long and hard about. And the answer is something that brings ghosts to mind:

I wish, when I was at school, that I had known it was OK to follow my gut. I listened to a lot of advice from a lot of people, including some who told me I could never be more than I was – that I wouldn’t make it – and I wish I had known it was OK to ignore those people. That all advice should be taken with a grain of salt.

Because a lot of those people offering advice were not professional advisors (though a couple might have been professors). They were friends and lovers. They were people who saw me the way they imagined me to be, not the way that I could be. Not the way that I saw myself. When I was in school, I was not agressive about my wants and needs, I, for the most part, kept them hidden (this is something that started in elementary school, when it was not OK to speak up). In retrospect, I guess I was embarrassed to share my dreams and to show that I could make them happen.

This certainly held me back. But it also helped me to get where I am today. And every now and then a ghost pops up to remind me of the way things used to be and the way things might have been.

I'm curious, what ghosts are haunting your progress? Are there any visions out there holding you back?

Higher Education Reform?

2011-09-26T09:19:00.000-04:00

Your MatchGirl is worried, gentle readers. If the economy doesn't improve, unemployeds will have to take jobs that are well below their education levels, well below what they were making in the past. And those just graduating from university will have no chance of getting a foot in the door. We need more training. We need more education. We need to reform education.

We need to let people know that it's OK - maybe even awesome - to go to technical schools and community colleges and get themselves on the right path for the future. We need to let people know that university is not only for expanding ones mind, but it's a place to learn to cooperate, to get along with other people (maybe some not so similar to you)... but that it doesn't guarantee a job right out of college.

This is the hardest the job market has been in a long time and we need to be realistic in what we tell kids entering the higher education system. Your MatchGirl went to a fancy university and got good grades. She partied hard and worked harder. She did the extra-curricular activities. She graduated with awards and honors. But none of this helped her focus on what she would do with it in the future - for her future. I could do "anything" and because of this, it took me a long time to figure out what that was. And I lived hand-to-mouth in the process.

A college education is necessary. It's the only way to get ahead. To get promotions. To get in front of the crowd. But there are a lot of options today - many that were not there when I was in school - that can help put today's young people on the right path. Maybe it's time we let them see all the options available, and give them the tools to decide the direction that will be the best fit for them.

After all, the days of going to school, playing it up a lá Animal House and starting a great job the day after commencement are long over...

How Can We Make Things Better?

2011-09-23T09:19:00.000-04:00

Yes. The amount of people living below the poverty line is growing. And growing.

The rich are getting richer while the middle class slowly (maybe not so slowly) slip down into poverty.

What do we do? How can we make things better?

Where do jobs come from?

Your MatchGirl doesn't have the answers, certainly, but she can see so many of the problems.

We're fast approaching election season - the one that people come out and vote for - and these are the questions that everyone is asking: What can you do about the economy? Where are the jobs?

Your MatchGirl is not sure that the federal government is positioned to fix this mess. Perhaps we're better off looking to our local governments and voting in those little elections - you know, the ones for city council and boards of advisors and superintendents. The ones for the people who make things work where we live...

Just a thought.

Use Social Media To Your Job Search Advantage

2011-09-21T09:19:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, if your MatchGirl knew half of what she knows now when she was unemployed ... or ... if she was unemployed just a teensy bit later (seriously, so many Hire Me Martha copycats out there right now!), she might not have been unemployed for so very long.

Of course, without spending time amongst the long term unemployed, your MatchGirl might not have become so committed to this little tome.

Putting yourself out there on social networks is all the rage these days (goodness knows your MatchGirl practically lives on them!), so why not make it work for you?

Be an expert. You can do it. You're focused. You know a lot about your chosen field. So prove it. Get yourself on Quora, search LinkedIn discussion groups and answer the questions. On Twitter, search for key words in your area of expertise and start replying to people asking questions about them.

Be a star. Get yourself a Tumblr, a Wordpress site, a Blogger account, a YouTube channel - and start talking. Make video blogs offering advice or how-tos within your field. Your MatchGirl doesn't care if your a pet groomer, a barista or a lawyer. Turn on that webcam ans start talking. Wrangle your roommate into taking video with your digital camera. It doesn't need to be perfectly shot. You just need to say the right stuff.

Don't let others tell you you're crazy. It's a tough world out there. Competition is huge for any job you apply for. Just getting your resume and cover letter seen is like climbing Everest. Why not take advantage of all you've learned farting around social networks and websites and make them work for you?

Good luck, dear readers. Your MacthGirl knows you can do it!

Follow Your Dreams

2011-09-19T09:19:00.000-04:00

This morning, I woke up in a hotel in Bogotá, Colombia.

I'm here to represent my company for Social Media Week. And I'm stoked.

With my recent promotion, to Head of Social Media, I've been doing a lot of thinking about what got me here and where it can take me. I've been thinking about the people who have helped me along the way and what I have learned from all my experiences.

This path is my own.

No one else could have made it for me. I could not have imagined it five years ago, let alone in the mid-90s, when I was graduating from University.

Catching up with a friend the other day, I told her of the new title and she looked at me, eyes wide, and said "That is so perfect for you."

It might have taken me a long time to get to where I'm going, but I'm very happy to be on the right path!

Money Talks

2011-09-16T09:19:00.000-04:00

A few weeks back, gentle readers, your MatchGirl published a post highlighting the importance of getting paid what you are worth. This is something, unfortunately, that plagues so many as we continue in this economy.

There are people who are employed, full-time, but still struggling to make ends meet.

There are people who are under-employed, constantly struggling.

There are those who are unemployed, who are happy to take any job that comes their way.

And then there are those who make plenty to live on - perhaps not luxuriously so, but enough - who complain that they still need more.

It's rough in a city like New York, where the cost of living is so very high, but these people exist in every corner of the globe.

Though your MatchGirl knows it's impolite to speak of money, sometimes, one needs to talk about it. Sometimes one needs to get out there and make their voice heard. Because how else are you going to get paid more money? How else are you going to talk to your boss or find a new job or let your network know that you need something more?

Your MatchGirl, dear readers, knows that it's hard to talk about. She has the same problems as you do.

So here is the question for you - how do you approach these issues? These conversations?

You're valuable. How do you make sure to get paid what you know you're worth?

Job Of The Future? Will They Be Inspired By The Past?

2011-09-14T09:19:00.000-04:00

Your MatchGirl, gentle readers, has been thinking about the jobs of the future, about how to get them and about what they might be.

I have been thinking that the job I currently hold, Head of Social Media, didn't even exist when I was at university. People barely used the internet. I had a roommate who wrote her term papers on an electric typewriter (for the young'uns - this is what that looks like). To say that I could have been working towards a career as a social media professional would have required some amazing foresight and, perhaps, a time machine.

And when I think of the jobs that are to come, I know that there will be jobs like mine - as technology changes - that one can only prepare for by living life and learning and adopting and adapting.

But your MatchGirl thinks, dear readers, that some of the jobs of the future are jobs that we already know how to do. Or we did at one time.

I watch the people around me, my friends, and the paths they are on. I am lucky to live in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, and have as friends and neighbors some true artisans who are interested in looking to the past to provide for the future.

I have a friend who keeps bees and chickens and teaches classes on urban farming.
I know a woman who runs a rooftop farm.
I live down the street from the lovely couple who make bacon marmalade.
I am pleased to know a woman who wrote a book on homemaking in the modern age.
I have friends who have an ice cream empire.
I know the people behind The High School for Public Service Youth Farm.

I know canners and sausage makers, chocolate crafters and pizza makers.

I know people who have taught themselves to do things that their parents might not have even known how to do. But things that sustained their grandparents.

Is it possible that to prepare ourselves for the future, we need to look to the past?

Your MatchGirl thinks this might be the case.

Making The Most of Long Term Unemployment

2011-09-12T09:19:00.000-04:00

Recently, gentle readers, your MatchGirl posted about the cycle of long term unemployment. She also posted about how more and more employers are saying that unemployed need not apply to their job listings.

This is a trend that troubles your MatchGirl. Unemployeds are the ones who need the jobs being posted. Of course, there are plenty out there who are under-employed, and could use a leg up, a better income or a job more fitting with their education and training. But, at the end of the day, right this second, the people who really need that job you've just posted are the unemployed.

Here's an idea for the long term unemployed, looking to make themselves more appealing to hiring managers. Volunteer.

LinkedIn, the social network for professional people, has recently updated their formatting to let you add volunteer experience to your online resume. And this is great.

Part of the reason that businesses are not keen to hire the long term unemployed is because they feel that they must be lazy people. They feel they are the kinds of people who take the east way out or mooch off the system or are not going to be able to play well with others. A significant gap - and unexplained one - on your resume, is never going to look good. So add the work you've been doing that you're not getting paid for.

This is something that your MatchGirl did, when she had been unemployed for a while. She added a related experiences section - to the top of her resume - to highlight the activities she was participating in during her unemployment. I'm certain it helped my resume get a little higher in those piles on the HR guy's desk.

You not only need a job, you want one. You're not lazy. You know it. Now - prove it to them. Get yourself out there and do some good work. And don't forget to tell the world.

Jobs For The Future? Rethink Education

2011-09-09T06:19:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, your MatchGirl read an interesting piece over on Seth Godin's blog on the weekend, and she thought she should share it with you, here.

The piece is entitled Back to (the wrong) School and it shares some perspective on the evolution of the modern public school educational system - where it started and where we're at. As kids all over the country embark on another year of school, your MatchGirl thinks this is something that we need to look at.

I don't have kids. Some day I might. I might not. But I think about the educational system in America - my mother is a teacher as are several friends - I hear a lor from them, on their views on what works and what doesn't and how kids are treated (and how parents, teachers and administrators are treated). It's been a long time since I've been in a public school classroom, but I'm not without perspective. I wonder what can be done to fix a system that is so very broken.

And I wonder how many people actually care.

I remember going to school board meetings when I was a kid and having old men stand up to speak against new initiatives, saying "It was good enough for me, it should be good enough for these kids." These guys are still around. And their voices are loud.

We live in a country that places such little value on education. We live in a society that makes fun of and diminishes smart people. We live in a country where people decide who they'd like to be President by whether he's a good bowler or if they'd like to have a beer with him. We live in a society where if you are different, you are bullied.

And it's getting worse.

As this election season gets under way, your MatchGirl worries for the future of America. She worries what will become of the schools. She worries what will become of the next generation, and the one after that. Not only is the country not creating jobs for the future, we're not even making sure the next workers we're raising can do the ones of the present.

What Retail Taught Me

2011-09-07T06:19:00.000-04:00

Monday, Labor Day, there was an interesting edition of the Brian Lehrer show on WNYC - replaying some interesting segments looking at working in America (to be fair pretty much all the programming was on this topic). The one that caught the ear of your MatchGirl was about the Politics of Retail. This is something, gentle readers, that rests close to my heart.

You may not know, but your MatchGirl spent over a decade working in the retail industry and she is familiar with the trials and tribulations of it. From working for a big chain, where every moment is clocked and accounted for, mystery shoppers coming in, a lot of protocol to follow to working at a mom'n'pop where there wasn't even a safe, and the cash just hung around in the back (above the stereo) - I've run the gamut in retail.

This is what I know. Retail taught me loads. I stayed in it too long - partially because I was lazy and partially because it's hard to transition out once your resume is loaded with retail jobs - but it taught me everything I know.

In a retail environment, you need to be able to size the customer up in about 10 seconds. You need to know who they are, what they're looking for and if they can afford it. You can't judge too closely by the clothes they wear or the handbag they are carrying. One of the most wealthy, and most consistent, customers I ever had was a gentleman who looked like he stepped out of central casting for a homeless person. He was rich and eccentric and had a standing lunch reservation at the Ritz. You can't always tell.

In a retail environment, you need to listen. Going back to my number one networking tip, listen. If you need to make that sale to meet your goal, you need to know what the customer is looking for. But it's more than just hearing what they said they came in for, it's about listening to what they are saying. In my experience, what a customer knows how to ask for and what they are really looking for are often different things. A pro knows how to suss the difference.

In a retail environment, you need to communicate. You need to be able to talk to, and get along with, a wide variety of people. You need to be able to let them know what's going on and to hear what they're saying. Even if your each racing towards your own commission goal, a little communication will help you all out along the way.

In a retail environment, you need to be able to turn on a dime. The customer comes first and it doesn't matter if you're manager is expecting you to finish inventory of a wall of product by noon. If a customer comes in, you need to drop what you're doing and help them. You need to, in simple and catch-phrase terminology, prioritize.

I could go on for a lot longer. I could start talking about how people, especially denizens of New York, don't treat retail workers right. I could write a companion book to Ms. Kelly's piece. I won't do it here.

Retail is a hard job. A really hard job.

I don't want to go back. But I'm glad I did it.

Turn Turn Turn: The Cycle of Long Term Unemployment

2011-09-02T06:19:00.000-04:00

In a recent item on The Huffington Post, Alan Krueger's study results announced that the long term unemployed looked for jobs less and slept more.

Gentle readers. Your MatchGirl is no scientist. But she was among the long-term unemployed.

Krueger and Mueller offered three likely explanations for the decline in job-search durations. First, workers could have run through most of the decent jobs to apply for. Second, they could have gotten better at searching and needed less time to scan and respond to ads. And third, they could have gotten discouraged and quit looking.

And as someone who was unemployed for 18 months, your MatchGirl knows a thing about the cycle of unemployment. Someone who is among the "long term unemployed" is someone who has been without a job for six months or more. And, as many of you know, gentle readers, from your own unemployment (as that's how so many of you came across this little blog), in this economy that time is often longer.

I remember the days of unemployment existing in cycles. Some weeks would be all about the hustle, writing emails, sending resumes, working on cover letters and scouring the job boards. But other weeks would be slow and depressing. Because there would be no worthwhile, or, you know, paying, jobs to apply for and there would no one to send anything to. In those times, your MatchGirl worked on her own creative projects and her own blogs and took classes, but not everyone does that. Not everyone wants to. Not everyone can.

Job searching is a job in itself. And rarely a rewarding one. Some mornings there are loads of jobs to apply to and a ton of business cards in your pocket to reach out to. Other mornings... not so much - just the same six jobs that had been taunting you for the past three days. What are you supposed to do? Then you take a day or two (or more) off from truly looking because, though you've followed up with everyone you can, you can't even get a response to an email, let alone an offer of an interview. And who wants to be so bummed out? So you surf the web and play Words With Friends and you watch some daytime television and fall asleep early. Then you wake up one morning excited to look again and you send out some emails and ... And so the cycle goes.

Someone who has never been one of the club cannot truly and fully appreciate the nuances and difficulties of this cycle. But we can, gentle ones. We've been there. We know how the story ends.

So, forget this study. Sleep if you're tired (though not if you're depressed, that's just no good). Look for jobs. Apply for things that are worth your while. And make your own magic happen.

Good luck, dear readers. I believe in you!

One More Networking Tip: Listen

2011-08-31T09:19:00.001-04:00

As you know, gentle readers, tonight is the Work It Brooklyn event at Brooklyn Winery. I hope you've registered and we'll see you there.

Last week your MatchGirl wrote a post for long-time friend of Unemployed Brooklyn, Brokelyn, in which she advised you all on How To Work It Best at Work It Brooklyn and, of course, any networking even you might find yourself attending.

I wanted to add one more, though, dear readers. Briefly.

Listen.

This is something that is hard to do. Of course, you are at a networking event to promote yourself, to meet people who can help you, to find a new job or a freelance gig. You're there with your own agenda. Everyone is.

But this is something that I have learned, in years of going to these events and in over a year and a half of facilitating Work It Brooklyn, listening to those around you takes you very far. Listening to the person you are speaking with, truly listening, will open up a million avenues for you. You'll learn what they do and where they work and what they are there to find. During this time, don't think about what you're going to say or what you might say, just listen. And when they're done speaking, they'll listen to you. You'll find out who they're connected to, and, you just never know, they might be able to facilitate an introduction to someone you've been hoping to meet.

This is tip number eight.

What is your best networking advice?

Meeting People... In Real Life

2011-08-29T09:19:00.004-04:00

Gentle readers, in March of 2010, just before I found a position at my current company, your MatchGirl wrote a post entitled Connection. In that post, I wrote about how I was ready for more than what I was getting. I wrote about how the internet was great for making connections (you, dear readers, know your MatchGirl is a fan of the online connection) but that perhaps, especially in the world of job hunting, looking online for a job just seemed, especially in this economy something not that likely...

And I still feel that way. I love connecting with people online. I love my Twitter community - the people I talk to every day online, but only get to see occasionally, the people I met first IRL but I get to keep up with on the internet. But there is something about face-to-face interaction that seems to make people really connect.

It was to that end that Work It Brooklyn (and so many of the other networking communities) was created. To get creative people talking to each other face-to-face. (I hope I'll see some of you at Wednesday's event, by the way!) When you meet someone in real life, you get a sense of who they are. When you shake their hand and look in their eye, you get an chance to get a sense of the person behind the Tweets or the person behind the snarky remarks in a Facebook group or you just get to meet the person that you've seen sitting two tables over from you at Cafe Grumpy, plugging away on their laptop as often as you are. If you work from home or work for yourself, you get to meet people who do the same. Maybe that's your new lunch partner, or, hey, your new web developer.

Your MatchGirl will never stop networking online. She loves it too much.

But when you come together in real life, you never know who you might meet. You never know what ideas you may be exposed to. You never know what old friend you might see and what connections they might have.

My advice to you, gentle ones, is to meet new people. In real life and online.

Job Interview Manners 101

2011-08-26T09:19:00.001-04:00

With Boyfriend unemployed, gentle readers, your MatchGirl has spent a lot of time thinking about the simple etiquette of the job hunt. Manners in general are something that has been on my mind, actually, quite a bit, as regular readers of this tome will recall.

In relating it to the job hunt, here are a few tips that seem like common sense, but, as I heard Brian Solis say in a webinar (relating to a totally different topic) the other day, "common sense is about the least common thing there is."

1. Show up early. I don't care what city you live in or what social circles you inhabit. Fashionably late is simply not fashionable for a job interview.

2. Ask before taking notes. It seems a small thing, but it's forward to pull out a pen and paper and just start scribbling away. You want the interviewer to know you're focussed on them - what they are saying and what they are asking. A simple, "Do you mind if I jot down some notes while we speak?" will go a long way.

3. No gum. Again, this seems like a "duh". But your MatchGirl heard a case recently where someone was being interviewed and they chomped on their chewing gum the entire time. It's just gross. And, it's rude. There are times and places for your gum, but a formal situation (and no matter how informal the company, an interview is formal) is never one of them.

4. Be available. Last second cancellations of interviews, unless there is unforeseen tragedy, are not going to win you any points. Remember, you are the one that needs to impress them. Not making yourself available for interviews (or at least suggesting alternate times) is never going to work in your favor. If you have an immovable conflict, the impetus is on you to suggest alternative times - a few of them - that could work for both you and the person interviewing you.

5. Say "Thank you." Politeness counts. Be genuine in it. thank the people who interviewed you for meeting with you, Thank the receptionist who let you in for her time. You never know they company structure and you can't know whose opinion will be asked. And send a "thank you" note. A paper one. Via the US Postal Service. The moment you arrive home. That little flourish makes a big difference. It's tangible evidence of your effort and your enthusiasm. Anyone can send an email. Be different.

Sure, these tips might seem basic, but forgetting even one of them could knock you down to the bottom of the candidate pile. Competition is fierce, gentle readers. A few good manners could really help you stand out.

Where Do Jobs Come From?

2011-08-24T09:19:00.001-04:00

Boyfriend and your MatchGirl went to the Met the other day and while perusing a collection of modern photographs, your MatchGirl stumbled upon this gem by the artist Hans Haacke. See the diptych here.

It's an enlarged image of the Paine Webber Annual Report from 1977. Where do jobs come from?, the headline asks. Underneath: A concise report on unemployment. And Wall Street's role in preventing it.

Is it just me, gentle readers, or could this bit of propaganda - a little something to make those wealthy investors feel that they were doing or at least could do something "good" with their investment capital - be from 2008, thirty-one years after its publication and the beginning of the recession? Or, even better, dear readers, wouldn't it be fitting to see that question somewhere today? In 2011, nearly thirty-five years after the corporation posed the question.

Your MacthGirl is lucky. And she knows it. Eighteen months after being laid off, she was working again. And eighteen months, while a really, really long time to be without a job is better than a lot of people are looking at.

But, out of curiosity, I decide to look up unemployment rates in 1977. I was young then, and I don't actually recall anything of it. When watching a movie or sitcom from the late 1970s, there is talk of high gas prices, of fuel lines, of shortages and of unemployment, with industrial jobs starting to end in the United States and more and more people with less and less of an education finding themselves out of work.

Funny how we're facing these problems and asking ourselves the same questions nearly 35 years later. The '80s came along and everything was on an upswing, at least in the media, so instead of figuring out how to keep ourselves, as a country, working, instead of focusing on education and upward mobility, the rich just got richer and the middle class, like today, struggled to make ends meet. 1977? 2008? 2011? Could it all be so similar.

Interestingly, in viewing the unemployment statistics for 1977, when this Paine Weber report is from, I found that unemployment hovered, for most of the year, between 6.5% and 7.5%. In comparison, in 2008 (your MatchGirl was laid off in November of this year) it shot from 5% at the beginning of the year to 7.5% at year's end. And the first half of this year is in the 9% range. Of course, this is country-wide. We're all well aware that it varies widely from state to state.

The question is, gentle readers, where do we go from here? Why are the American people so placid and accepting of these high and seemingly steadily increasing unemployment rates? How can we just sit by and watch so many of our fellow citizens hit rock bottom and just keep falling?

Your MatchGirl doesn't have the answer. She simply has questions.

Here's a final one. Will we see the American people get off their asses and hit the polls, once the primary season begins?

Time will tell.

Work It Brooklyn Is Back!

2011-08-22T09:19:00.003-04:00

Gentle readers, as you know, something that your MatchGirl loves - something that she is excited to talk about and to put her time and energy behind - is connecting people. And out of that, collaborating with two amazing women who share the same passion, Work It Brooklyn was born.

And though we've had a shaky path, organizing events around our increasingly busy schedules as well as our day jobs, we try to bring you a few events every year. Where you can meet other people like you. Where creative people can come together and have a drink and exchange info via our signature speed-networking. Where people can get hired. Where people can exchange services. Where people can just find the moral support they feel they are missing when the office life turns into the unpredictable path of a freelancer.

Your MatchGirl, dear ones, is excited to announce that there will be a fantastic Work It Brooklyn event right before summer ends.

Graciously hosted by Brooklyn Winery, in their lovely courtyard, the next Work It Brooklyn event offers intimate conversations and a chance to really connect with other creatives and creative freelancers living and working in Brooklyn.

Work It Brooklyn is back!

We invite you to come to a fabulous end of summer mixer in the courtyard of Brooklyn Winery in Williamsburg on Wendesday, August 31st from 7 to 10PM.

Bring a stack of business cards and your best three minute description of who you are and what you do!

And, of course, come prepared to work it!

Plan on Tweeting the event? Awesome! Use the hastag #workit and don't forget to follow us @workitbrooklyn and join our Facebook group to keep the discussion going.
We can't wait to see you!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011
7 – 10pm
Brooklyn Winery
213 North 3rd Street
Brooklyn, NY 11211

The event will take place on Wednesday, August 31st, and registration is free, but please remember to register by Monday, August 29th. We need to know who is coming!

Right Here Waiting For You

2011-08-19T09:19:00.000-04:00

Ah, gentle readers, when it comes to things happening in your life, there is one thing your MatchGirl knows for sure. You can't wait for things to happen to you. They never will.

Sure there are a lot of lovely, romantic songs about waiting for things to happen.

Sure, Sleeping Beauty fell into a deep sleep (Snow White, too!) and waited for her Prince to come.

Sure, Rapunzel, locked in her tower, waited for her Prince, too - and then threw down her hair so he could rescue her...

Here's the deal, dear ones, there is no use waiting. No one is going to rescue you.

Whether you are looking for love or looking for money or looking for a job. It's you who has to do the work. No one is going to do it for you.

Your MatchGirl spent - no, wasted - a lot of years waiting. Waiting for a boyfriend to carry me away from my problems. Waiting for a promotion. Waiting for the next thing to happen. The next opportunity to present itself. Here's the thing - those things never happened. I was waiting because the decisions were too scary, too hard. It was easier to wait.

And while I admire and extoll patience (practice it, not so much), there is a really bis difference between being patient and simply waiting.

I beg of you, gentle readers, think about what you want. Make a decision. And go for it.

It's the only way to make the things you want to happen actually come into being.

All The Help We Can Get

2011-08-17T09:19:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, your MatchGirl has benefited a lot from the kindness of strangers (many of whom have become friends) and acquaintances - especially when she was unemployed. I try, as often as possible, to return those favors. Part of why I'm excited to continue with Work It Brooklyn, as sporadic as those events may be, is that it helps to connect people who want to and need to meet new people.

This weekend I received an email from a woman named Phyllis, looking for someone to help her with her resume.

I thought I would share that here and I hope that one of you is able to help her out.

Dear MatchGirl,

I have worked in the service industry for twenty some odd years. I have never needed a resume. I have always been hired by merits and recommendation . It also helped being young and cute. I have tried many ways to put together a resume, but there is too much to tell. They come out awful.

I have moved back to Brooklyn after many years to care for an elderly parent. I know very few people here.

If you might know someone in Brooklyn that might help me put one together I would appreciate it. I can manage a small fee.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Sincerely,
Phyllis C.
Brooklyndreams13 [at] yahoo [dot] com

Now, I don't know Phyllis and I don't anything about her skills. But I know that one of you can assist her with a resume.

Can't you?

Make It Work

2011-08-15T09:19:00.001-04:00

In yesterday's New York Sunday Times, gentle readers, there was an article, on the front page of the Styles section (and yes, dear ones, that is the section your MatchGirl always grabs first), entitled Maybe It's Time For Plan C.

In the piece, the reporter spoke with several entrepreneurs who had quit or were laid off from high-powered white collar jobs. But it was this paragraph that struck me:

The lures are obvious: freedom, fulfillment. The highs can be high. But career switchers have found that going solo comes with its own pitfalls: a steep learning curve, no security, physical exhaustion and emotional meltdowns. The dream job is a “job” as much as it is a “dream.”

Um, duh.

It takes a lot of guts to leave a secure position, sure, but anyone who thinks that it won't be a lot of hard work, to strike out on their own ... But seriously folks, do people not really know that when they give up that golden parachute? Can people really be that naive?

This is an issue your MatchGirl wrote about a handful of weeks ago, in a piece entitled Love In The Time of the Recession. In that piece, I wrote: If you love and enjoy what you are doing, that is amazing. You're one of the lucky ones. But you still need to put yourself out there. You need to work and you need to work hard.

Do people really think, while looking at all the hand-crafted goodness on Etsy that it's just fun and games to those people? Sure, some of them have day jobs, and it's just a fun hobby. But for others, it's a full time job. And it is a ridiculous amount of work. Hard freakin' work.

Though most of the people profiled in the article, though surprised at the actual difficulty of manual labor, told the reporter that they were happy with their decisions, knowing that, at least, they were working for themselves, this little blurb, bothered your MatchGirl, quite a bit.

For some, the unexpected pitfalls can be so treacherous that they no longer consider Plan B a dream job, but a nightmare. That was the unfortunate lesson for Anne-Laure Vibert, 31, who gave up a marketing job in New York, planning glamorous parties for Audemars Piguet, the watchmaker, to become a chocolatier.

A few years ago, she moved to Paris to apprentice with a master chocolatier. Visions of decadent bonbons swirled in her head. Instead, she felt like a modern-day Lucy in the candy factory, hunched over in a chocolate lab packing chocolates and scrubbing pots. If she wasn’t doing that, she was sweeping floors, wrapping gifts, answering telephones or shipping orders.

After four months, she had had enough and called it quits. Her Plan C? She returned to New York and took a job with her old boss, doing marketing for another luxury brand. “It got very lonely, to be honest,” she said.

Apprenticeships are supposed to be hard work. The whole point of them is to learn the business from the ground up. Because, at the end of the day, when you own your own business, you need to do everything. You need to sweep the floor and clean the toilet and make sure supplies are ordered and answer the phone when a customer calls. You HAVE to do EVERYTHING.

Ms. Vibert, had she owned her own business, could certainly not have just quit when the going got rough. She would have had to do the work.

Doing what you love is amazing. It's great. It's so freakin' good.

But, let's remember the obvious - it's still work. Anything worth having, gentle readers, is worth working for.

Unemployed Need Not Apply

2011-08-12T09:19:00.001-04:00

There is a disturbing trend, gentle readers. One that quite upsets your MatchGirl. There is a trend that employers, people who are hiring, are saying that the long-term unemployed, those who need the jobs the most, need not apply.

Your MatchGirl, who, herself, was among the long-term unemployed, before landing her current spot, has some thoughts on this. Bear with me.

The employers want people who still are up-to-date and current on all that applies to their posted position. They want people who have been in the working world and have networks and contacts to rely on. They want people they won't have to spend money to train - ones that can slip easily into the position.

The long-term unemployed are eager, no desperate, to work. They are at the end of their financial rope. They will take jobs they are over-qualified for. Once 9 to 5 office workers will happily sweep floors. Scientists will become cheesemongers. These people have no income to speak of and they need this job. The economy needs for them to have it.

Your MatchGirl, gentle readers, see the problem as this: The employers are not educated about the state of the unemployed person today. The average unemployed, much as I did when I was unemployed, is putting themselves out there as much as possible. They are educating themselves, in classes or online or through friends, on anything they think will be able to help them get a job. They want to get hired and they want to be ready when that finally happens.

And, the biggest misconception, of course, is that unemployed people are lazy. Gentle readers, we know this is simply untrue. But perhaps the onus is on us to educate these employers...

Make sure to add anything you have been doing to your resume. Volunteered two days a week at a shelter? Add it! Take classes at a community college? Add it! Babysit on a regular/semi-regular basis? You're a nanny. Add it! Prove to the employers that unemployeds are not lazy. And that they deserve, at least, a chance a that posted job.

If you have a moment, listen to this interview on WNYC's Brian Lehrer show:

On Being Poor

2011-08-10T09:19:00.001-04:00

Gentle readers, your MatchGirl is so very tired. She is tired of being poor.

Though I am employed, I feel like my income level has been slowly moving backward (Don't take this the wrong way. Your MatchGirl knows there are loads of people worse off than she.), since I was laid off (due to downsizing and company shutdown) in the Autumn of 2008. It's hard to make a buck in New York City ... well, more importantly, it's hard to save a buck in New York City.

And while the millenials may be more focused on moving up and forward than on planning for what happens, later, as this post on Brazen Careerist recommends, your MatchGirl has been out of her twenties for a long while now. And, though I didn't think about saving money then, I also didn't really think about my long term career goals. In my twenties, I thought about how to pay the rent and how to get groceries and how to have enough left over to have a meal out here and there and to buy some new, yet inexpensive, clothes from time to time. I didn't think about tomorrow.

But tomorrow is here.

Now I am doing something that I enjoy. That is so "me." That I am planning a long term career around. But I still find myself struggling financially. So what's a girl to do?

Your MatchGirl, dear readers, is looking for something more. Something extra. And, as she enjoys writing for you here on this blog, on A Precious Environment, and on her work blogs, she is looking to take on some freelance writing (ghost, copy or other) as a way to supplement her day job.

It's hard to admit that you're not quite where you want to be, where you're working towards, especially this late in life. I am fully self-aware, gentle ones, and I am, as long time readers know, not afraid to reach out and ask for what I need or to tell you what I am looking for. I love my day job. But right now, especially with Boyfriend out of work, I need to supplement that.

Let me know if you know of anything...

Private Eyes: Protecting Yourself From Social Media's Prying Eyes

2011-08-08T09:19:00.000-04:00

On Friday, gentle readers, your MatchGirl came across and interesting snippet on MediaBistro. The FTC has given approval for a new company that specializes in social media background checks.

As many of you navigate the current world of unemployment and under employment, job hunting and freelancing, you might have wondered how you should handle your online existence. It's part of the reason that, when your MatchGirl started this blog in 2009, I kept Unemployed Brooklyn anonymous. I was job hunting and I was worried that something I wrote could hamper my hunt. As time went on and I gained a bit of a following, and the economy remained in the crapper, it seemed silly not to allow my story to be covered and shared. So I happily shed the blanket of anonymity and put myself out there full force. Along the way, all I've been is me.

But that's not for everyone.

And, even though I am nothing but honest when I write online, I do still make sure to conduct myself with a certain amount of decorum. It's still a public forum, anonymous or no.

Tips for those worried about what others may find when they run a Google search:

That MySpace or Friendster account you created in your younger days - where you thought the bong in the background or the picture of you doing an (underage) keg stand were hilarious and harmless? Delete 'em. The pictures or the profiles, it doesn't matter. Even if you haven't logged on to those sites in years, the internet never forgets.

Set your security level to private. Worried that you may offend someone with strong political or religious beliefs. Worried that your personal lifestyle may not look too good to the CEO? Don't share them in a public forum. Put Facebook's security settings on their most private and limit your network to only those you know, who know the real you.

Keep Twitter toned down. I'm a big believer in Twitter accounts being open and public (though I understand that some people use them as they use Facebook, just to connect rapidly with people they already know), but if you are going to be open to the public know that, know matter how crafty your pseudonym, someone will figure out it's you.

Basically, dear readers, while living your life online, use common sense. If there's nothing bad to find, no social media background check is going to find it. It's that simple.

Any tips that you use to make sure your social media presence is squeaky clean? Leave them in the comments.

Awesome infographic about Social Media and the job hunt, via Mashable.

More fun With Craigslist or Get Paid What Your Worth

2011-08-05T09:19:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, when your MatchGirl was unemployed, she spent a lot of time looking at job listings, on all manner of sites, and Craigslist, that friendly marketplace, was amongst them. And during that time, your MatchGirl and your fellow readers stumbled upon some fairly ridiculous postings - so many that I decided to have a series of posts entitled More Fun With Craigslist - where I would take apart, bit by bit, the job posting.

Most of these were listings where the people were looking for interns or volunteers for their for-profit businesses, requiring knowledge of an arm's length of software and years plus of experience. For forty hours a week. Which is uncool and, usually, illegal.

People ask for, and get away with, a lot when the economy has hit rock bottom because they feel like it's an excuse for behaving badly. They need work done. They "can't" pay for it (or, at least, they don't want to) so they advertise a position labeled, only at the bottom usually, as an internship.

It's been a while since your MatchGirl has trolled the pages of Craigslist, being employed and all, but as we need some extra income right now (see this post if you are wondering why), dear readers, I have hit the net in search of some freelance writing gigs (send 'em my way!). Which is where I came across the following:

Clicking on the picture should bring it up larger, but let me share the key point: Joonbug.com is seeking a fast-paced, dedicated and knowledgeable individual to fill the position of Fashion Editor for our one-million user blog site. This is an unpaid internship that holds the potential of securing you a position in the multi-faceted industry.

You have a site with a million users and you want an unpaid intern to be the fashion editor?

Seriously?

That's messed up.

Interview 101

2011-08-03T09:19:00.000-04:00

With Boyfriend on the lookout for a new gig, I thought I'd share some tips on the face-to-face of a job interview.

While it's been a while, thankfully, since your MatchGirl has had to think of these things for herself, prepping with Boyfriend for what's to come, has brought back some memories from those 18 months that I was unemployed!

Five tips, in no particular order, to help you get ready:

Tip #1: Go in thinking you've got it. This doesn't mean go in cocky and be a dick. But it means go in showing confidence, like you know that you can do it. And that you'd be a great addition to the team.

Tip #2: Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves, even when they are interviewing you. Ask questions about the position specifically and the company generally.

Tip #3: Be prepared. Memorize that website. But, going back to don't be cocky, if the interviewer starts to tell you something you already know from your research, be cool. Don't interrupt. When they finish, feel free to mention that you read it on the website and add your two cents.

Tip #4: Keep it brief. In February of 2010, I posted about the three minute interview. It's all still valid today (and for you entrepreneurs out there, works well as elevator pitch guidelines). Be concise. Be on point.

Tip #5: Breathe.

The interview that I had for the job I finally got hired to do, was an 8-something AM interview, held in the lobby of the Ace Hotel. I'd been on so many similar interviews. I'm not going to say I wasn't nervous, but my unemployment, and all its extensions, were about to run out and I had figured out a pretty palpable game plan for how I was going to make ends meet for the short term. I went into that interview thinking that I was supremely qualified, but that there was no way I was going to get it. Perhaps, at least inwardly, a little defeated. And to that end, I was so much calmer and more relaxed than I had been in prior interviews. My life didn't depend on it. I'd figured out something, at least short term, and I had come to terms with the fact that it would be a long time before the economy was out of the crapper. So I remembered to breathe.

I'm certainly not saying that being calm was the only thing that got me the job, but it definitely helped me be myself and not second guess myself while I was in the interview. Which can only ever lead to good things.

Do you have any tips for Boyfriend as he preps for job interviews? Any ideas to help him out?

Leave them in the comments.

One of the best interviews ever:

A Polite Society

2011-08-01T09:19:00.003-04:00

Last week, gentle readers your MatchGirl wrote a post entitled Simple Manners, which received a couple of comments on the blog and several more on Twitter and in my inbox.

One of them came from Rich P, who posed the question, "Which part struck the louder chord for you, the stepping onto the shoe or the opportunity taken of the man who retrieved it?"and followed up by saying, "I often find what I'm noticing says more to me about "me" than the players involved in the scene."

And while I answered him in the comments section, I thought I would take a moment to further address what Rich has to say. Your MatchGirl, dear readers, is far from perfect. And though I am the biggest advocate of a polite society (though not the one advocated on this blog!), I am sure there are times when I am not in the right, though I hope they are few and far between.

And in thinking more on the topic and in discussing it further, with Boyfriend and another friend, I have come to realize that one of the integral parts of manners and being polite, in general, is grace.

Or, specifically, graciousness.

To be kind. To be courteous. To be compassionate. These are all a part of having good manners. They are, in fact, what keeps a polite society moving forward.

When someone is rude to you or bumps into you, it's not only on them to apologize. It's on you to accept. To say, "No worries" or "That's OK" and to move along. It's on you to let the bad feelings go and forgive their misstep. All they can do, especially in passing (on the street, on the subway, in the elevator), is say they are sorry or excuse me. If you're an ass about it - then the bad manners are on you.

Just a thought.

As I have written here before, be good to each other. It's all that matters in the end.

Unemployed Boyfriend

2011-07-29T09:19:00.001-04:00

This week, gentle readers, your MatchGirl and Boyfriend fell upon some hard times. Boyfriend was laid off from his job.

As a gal who was long unemployed, your MatchGirl can relate to all he is going through, all he is feeling and all the anxiety that a lay off can cause. It's especially doubled, as when your MatchGirl was laid off, at least she was single and only had herself to provide for - and decision I made I really only had to think about me. But Boyfriend and I live together and have been taking steps towards a bigger and better life together. So this feels like a really big bump in the road.

Even though the economy is still in the crapper, your MatchGirl is sure that Boyfriend will find something. We are both reaching out to our networks. We are both scouring the job listings. We are being open with each other about what we're feeling and what we're thinking and what we're afraid of. It's all, at the end of the day, that we can really do.

Wish us luck!

Simple Manners

2011-07-27T09:19:00.001-04:00

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use.” ― Emily Post

Your MatchGirl, gentle readers, spends a lot of time thinking about manners. On my commute to work. Walking down the street. In the aisles of the grocery store. Reading comments on blogs. People are taking any chance they have to be incredibly rude. Perhaps part of that is the anonymity of the big city (or the feeling of anonymity that an anonymous blog comment lends). Perhaps part of it is just that people are not that nice.

I've written a bit about manners here before, in a post about employers following up with job seekers and (briefly) in a post about about elevator pitches/3-minute interviews, but I think it's a topic that rarely goes out of style.

In the job hunt, the job seeker is often overly, and overtly, polite. Making sure to do every single thing by the book. The employer, looking for a candidate, on the other hand, is rarely as polite (though, when I recently had to go through a stack of resumes at work, and interview a slew of people, your MatchGirl made sure she let every person she spoke with or corresponded with, whether we wanted them to come back or not). Some places send automated replies - often as much as a month after an application has been received. Sure, a person has not actually looked at these resumes, just a bot searching for matching keywords, but still - if you reply to that email (which often looks like it is coming from an actual person) you will never, ever, ever get a response!

In everyday life people are just plain rude. Maybe it's the heat. Maybe it's the city. Maybe it's the L train. I'm not sure. But people's manners of late are noticeably lacking. Every day on my way to work I get shoved, stepped on, sat on or jostled and no one says a word. Yesterday on the 6th Avenue L platform, I saw a girl step on the back of another girl's shoe, so the shoe went flying a few feet away. The second girl obviously didn't want to walk barefoot on the gross platform to get it back and the girl whose fault it was not only didn't offer any assistance, she looked pissed that the other girl had been walking slow enough that she had gotten stepped on. She most certainly didn't say "I'm sorry" or even "Excuse me." Luckily, in a rare moment of NYC politeness, a fellow commuter snagged the shoe out of the crowd and handed it back to the barefoot gal. If your MatchGirl had not been noticing the prevailing rudeness in the city of late, it's possible she wouldn't have even noticed this little exchange - but it seems so very, unfortunately, common these days.

If there is a mantra to this blog, it is, please treat others how you want to be treated. Be good to each other.

Life is so much easier if we simply try to help each other along and up, instead of constantly tearing each other down.

Motivate

2011-07-25T09:19:00.001-04:00

Gentle readers, when your MatchGirl was unemployed, she made a schedule for herself. She didn't sleep all day (unless she was sick or ridiculously hungover, of course). She got up in the morning, Monday through Friday, washed her face, popped in her contacts and did a yoga workout. Five days a week.

When I go a job, I slowed it down to three days a week. I woke early and did my little routine for about thirty minutes - usually Monday, Wednesday and Friday - and then I'd finish getting ready for work and be on my way. And I felt great.

But things happen and plans change and oh my goodness isn't it so much nicer you stay curled up next to your boo on a cold winter morning than rising early and working out? Yeah. I think so, too.

But being stagnant is no good.

So after months of laziness and having no discipline at all, your MatchGirl is back on it. That's right, dear ones, I am back on the getting up early three days a week, working out before going to work track I was so faithfully on for about 8 months. And I'm feeling it, too!

But, even though it hurts right now, I know I'll be the stronger for it in the end. Life's funny like that.

Change Your Attitude

2011-07-22T09:19:00.001-04:00

“If you can’t change your fate, change your attitude.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here, gentle readers, is a prompt from the (extended) Trust30 challenge that your MatchGirl can get down with.

It is so very easy to let a bad attitude sully your day. Your week. Your month. Your year. Your life. Seriously. Your MatchGirl, herself, has fallen prey to a poor woe-is-me attitude from time to time.

Let's not let that happen to us, dear ones. Let's pledge to help each other out, when we get down in the dumps. To remind ourselves off all the awesome we have to offer.

Your MatchGirl has a lot of things she'd like to do. She has a lot of things she'd like to be. She has a lot of life to live and she's excited to share it with you.

Stick around.

Life's Too Short To Live Any Other Way

2011-07-20T09:19:00.002-04:00

"when i like someone, i let them know it. life's too short to live any other way."

Gentle readers, your MatchGirl has this quote marked as a favorite on her Facebook wall... and though I can remember exactly the provenance of all the other quotes on there, this one somehow escapes me. I'm going to guess it grabbed me while watching a TV show or a movie. And, though I 'd love to give credit for it, it doesn't really matter.

The point is still the same.

It's about going for what you want. Going after what excites you. Asking for what will make you happy.

Whether it's a new job, a promotion or a relationship ... dear ones, please take your MatchGirl's advice, as she has lived and loved and lost and learned, all so you can bypass her mistakes and missteps ... Put yourself out there. Let the object of your affection know that you want them.

It works in your professional life as well as your personal. So take a deep breath and go for it!

Let me know how it goes!

Evolution of Self

2011-07-18T09:19:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, gentle readers, your MatchGirl received the good news that her baby sister (nearly 8 years her junior) is engaged to be married. Such exciting news. Such good stuff!

A few years ago, this news would have sent me into a downward spiral. Not because I would not have been just as excited for my sister and her beau then, I certainly would have. They've been together for a long time and they are really good together. He treats her so well and they are very much in love. My reaction - my mixed emotions - would have had nothing to do with sis and her hunny. They would have been purely about me. They would have been purely selfish.

Because a few years ago, your MatchGirl, dear ones, did not feel so great about herself. Long time readers of this little space know that well. You've seen the evolution. Before you go jumping to conclusions that the reason I feel OK about it now is because of Boyfriend (the not so single part of my tagline), it's not. Don't get me wrong. Boyfriend is an amazing man and I am lucky and happy to have him as my partner. But he's just one part of the puzzle...

A few years ago, I felt terrible about myself. About my life. I felt like I could never move forward (and sometimes I let that dark part of my mind surface now, but I don't let it win), and, in fact, that I might be moving backward. I didn't like what I was doing for work. I didn't like what I saw as my options. I felt like I had done something wrong which led to prior relationships failing, though in my head I knew that sometimes relationships just end and it's no one's fault. I felt that I was not where I was "supposed" to be in my life. I felt lost.

I was in the dark.

But I started looking at myself in a different light. I started seeing the things that I worked on as a hobby as things to be proud of. Of things that were worthwhile. And this is where the pivot happened. This is where I woke up. This is where the light came.

And this is how your MatchGirl, gentle readers, started to take her first steps forward and out of the dark, sad place.

It's hard, when you're in a rough place, to see the positive things about yourself. It's hard to see that what you do, even if it's something you look at as a silly hobby, is important. Or that some people, who are the people who will bring you down, look down their noses at, is actually a big deal. I don't know if you'll be able to monetize your passion projects, though I hope we all one day will, but I know that they matter. And I know that you matter.

Don't let yourselves sink down those dark holes, dear ones. Your MatchGirl has been there and she's come out the other side to tell you that it's not a path you need to follow. Feel good about yourself and about the journey you're on. When you do that, you'll find yourself feeling happy for other people as they succeed in their journeys, too.

No matter what, keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You'll find your way.

Overcoming

2011-07-15T09:19:00.000-04:00

Ah, gentle readers, your MatchGirl knows that many of you are overwhelmed. You work hard at a job where you get little to no recognition (or compensation). You apply for jobs and hear nothing back. You work and work and work as hard as you can - for your day job or for your pet projects - yet you still can't seem to get ahead.

There are not enough hours in the day.

There are not enough minutes in the hours.

There are too many things going on Saturday evening.

There is not enough money in the bank.

There is not enough time for a second job cos your first one knocks you out and no one is hiring anyway.

What a lot of obstacles there are! Here is my challenge to you, dear readers, take a deep breath and step back. And jump these hurdles, one by one. Jump them with me! Let's make a pact to work together to knock down all the wall that are holding us back from happiness. Let's make a promise to put ourselves first - to make ourselves number one. When we make ourselves a priority, we let others see that we know our worth. We let others see that we know our value. And we let others see that they must value us as well.

Your MatchGirl, gentle ones, is well aware of how very scary it is out there. She's been wading through it for a while now.

But she knows that, together, we can make it to the other side.

The Emotion Itself

2011-07-14T09:19:00.001-04:00

"The important thing is not the object of love, but the emotion itself." --Gore Vidal

How true this is, gentle readers. When we set out to do something we need to feel the passion for our task, otherwise how can we fully commit?

What we are tasked with, at least in your MatchGirl's opinion, does not matter as much as how we feel about the work we have to do. It doesn't matter if you're a writer or a painter, a musician or a tax attorney, a chef or a social media geek (like me), What matters is that you need to find what where your passion lies - what makes you feel enthralled and excited and a little bit in love - and then go.

Feel it. Do it.

Secret Path to the Stars

2011-07-13T09:19:00.000-04:00

Lately, gentle readers, several people have asked your MatchGirl how she went from being unemployed to heading up social media for a digital media company in Manhattan. People are asking me what was my secret.

Here it is.

I did the work.

I put myself out there.

I blogged.
I Tweeted.
I made Facebook groups.
I managed communities in real life and online.

I wrote and wrote and wrote. I put it all out there.

I imagined what I wanted to do and I looked for it.

Long time readers will know that it's not what I originally envisioned for myself.

But over the year and a half of unemployment, of getting out there and meeting people and connecting people and founding Work It Brooklyn (with two awesome gals) and constantly creating contents for blogs, something changed (as so often happens in life). I came to the realization that, though I love sewing and crafting and baking, what makes me feel the best - the most accomplished, is helping people connect. So a career that revolves around using social media platforms to make that happen - and educating people about the nest ways to do it for themselves - is amazing.

Advice, dear readers, think about what makes you happy. And write your resume to that. You'll find your calling. Or, maybe... your calling will find you.

Love In The Time of Recession

2011-07-12T09:19:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, gentle readers, your MatchGirl wondered if doing what you love for a living is playing with fire. Of course, it is every person's dream to wake up every single morning and get to do something they like, no - LOVE, all day long, every day.

The thing about doing what you love, though, for work, is that it is still work.

If you love crafting and you start a little Etsy shop that takes off, that's awesome. But you need to do the work. You need to produce. Every day.

If you love writing and you figure out how to sustain yourself so you can write every single day, you need to write every single day.

If you're in a band you go one tour, you record and mix your album, you put videos on YouTube and music sites. You practice, you write songs. You play. Every day.

The reality is that work is work is work. If you're passionate about what you're doing, that's awesome. If you love and enjoy what you are doing, that is amazing. You're one of the lucky ones. But you still need to put yourself out there. You need to work and you need to work hard. You'll just like it more than if you're working on something you don't feel passionate about. Than if you're living the life of a nine to five drone.

So. What do do if you're unemployed? What to do if you're underemployed? What to do if you are afraid to reach for the stars and follow your dreams in this scary economy?

Fuck it.

Screw your fears, gentle readers. Reach for what you want - reach for what you need to make you happy. It's terrifying, of course, but go for it. Go. Go. GO!

Play With Fire

2011-07-11T09:19:00.001-04:00

Last night your MatchGirl, gentle readers, listened to an interview with Conan O'Brien and something he said really struck me. He said, I'll paraphrase, "When you turn what you love into a career, then you're playing with fire." In light of Trust 30 and of the passion in Anything You Want, this thought gives me pause. I think that to make money doing something that you love is amazing.

Something that most of us can only hope for.

I understand Conan's point - that turning an escape into work is a game-changer. That turning fun into profit, and having to sustain it, is a lot to wrap one's mind around. Still, though, to do what you love every day, even if it is work - hard work, even if others rely on you for their jobs - I think that is a gift that we all should be striving for.

Now that the Trust 30 challenge is (officially) over, your MatchGirl is not sure if she will be able to sustain posting here every day. I hope that I can sustain to post here, as well as on Precious Environment, five days a week, but content creation, as many of you know, is certainly a time consuming endeavor. As I move forward with my new position, creating and editing content for a couple of other blogs during the 9-to-5, and enjoying summer months and activities with Boyfriend, I hope I can continue to provide you with near daily musings. Wish me luck!

Ask. And Receive.

2011-07-08T09:19:00.000-04:00

I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of all the things that are not working in your life. That job you don’t like, that relationship that’s not working, those friends that annoy you. Now turn them all on you. Imagine that everything that’s not working in your life, is your fault. How would you approach it? What would you work on to change your life to the state that you want it to be?

The official final prompt of the Ralph Waldo Emerson Trust 30 challenge comes from Carlos Miceli. Though, if you are so inclined, Amber Rae is continuing the challenge and the site stays up! And what a way to finish the month.

Gentle readers, this is something we all must do, from time to time. This is what this challenge has prompted us to do. We all must take some time and think not about the things that we complain about and how bad we have it, but we must think about the things we're not happy about in our own lives and we must change them.

Unhappy with your job? You have options. Your MatchGirl, speaking from experience, assures you of that. Room for advancement but your not the one advancing? Speak to your supervisor or your mentor or a sympathetic person on the HR team. But don't just question why you're not advancing - tell them why you should be. If you've really worked your ass off, if you've truly contributed, you will have a list of the reasons that you're prime for a promotion. Sing your own praises (without being an asshole) and see how far it may take you. Or not. If your company is going nowhere - or if you are going nowhere in your company - look for something new. The economy, your MatchGirl knows, is tough, and a new job is hard to find. But make your own happiness a priority and look for something new!

Your relationship is not what you want it to be? Where you want it to be? Ask for what you want. This is something of which your MatchGirl can speak quite authoritatively. Dear readers, I have been in that place. I have been seeing someone where I wanted it so badly to be exclusive. Where (and this was a long time ago and in a smaller city) if I saw him out with someone else, I felt physically ill. So I asked for what I wanted. I told him what I needed. I was brave and... I got what I wanted and it was (though with ups and downs) mostly beautiful for four years. I have also been in the place where I was not feeling good about myself, where my self-esteem was very low and I was afraid to ask. This, gentle ones, has never worked out for the best.

And with Boyfriend? With Boyfriend, I told him what I needed. I told him what I was looking for. I told him on, maybe, our third or fourth date, that I wasn't looking to screw around and that if he was one of those tattooed-bearded-Williamsburg-guys who think there is always a hotter (younger) piece of ass around the corner, we could still be friends, but I couldn't keep dating him. Period. I told him that I was looking for more, I was looking for serious. I was looking for a man who was open to possibilities of the future - not guaranteeing them, mind you, but open to them. And you can see for yourselves how that turned out.

I am slowly, but surely, moving my life into place. I am slowly, but surely, paying attention to the little things - the every day things - that make me happy. And I am making them priorities in my life - as I plan my next steps. As I ready myself to make my next move.

But being brave, gentle readers, that will get you a lot. Look at your MatchGirl. In 2008/2009 and into the beginning of 2010 she was unemployed and single, blogging and dating and putting herself out there. And now? It's 2011 and she is living with Boyfriend. And she was just named the Head of Social Media at the digital media company where she has been employed for the last (almost) year and a half.

How did I make this difference? How did I make this change?

I stood up.

And I asked.

Today Tomorrow Sometime Never

2011-07-07T09:19:00.005-04:00

Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Imagine your future self, ie, you 10 years from now. If he/she were to send you a tweet or text message, 1) what would it say and 2) how would that transform your life or change something you’re doing, thinking, believing or saying today?

Ah, Tia Singh's prompt is another where you speak to your future self and you speak to your past self. In this case your future self speaks to its past self which is your present self... Got it?

Gentle readers, as silly as these types of "what if...?" prompts may be, they are not without validity. They are not without reason. Because if you were to sit and think - think hard - on what you want your future to look like you'd probably scare the bejeezus out of yourself. You'r MatchGirl, when she thinks of the future to come - of being settled with Boyfriend, of a kid or two, of a lot more writing and organizing and a little less nine-to-five - sometimes, as much as I want it, it seems a little ... daunting. Terrifying, really.

And it's not scary because I'm unsure I want those things. It's just scary because big change is always a little scary. Sometimes it's downright frightening. And thinking about the change the future will inevitably bring? Man...

So. To answer the question. The message from my 45 year old self will read:

Push. Focus. Do the work.

It just keeps getting better.

*bonus points if you know where the post title comes from...

Hush

2011-07-06T09:19:00.000-04:00

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down a major life goal you have yet to achieve or even begin to take action on. For each goal, write down three uncertainties (read: fears) you have relating to each goal. Break it down further, and write down three reasons for each uncertainty. When you have three reasons for your fear, you’ll be able to start processing the change because you know where the fear stems from. Now you’ll be able to make a smaller changes that push you towards your larger goal. So begins the process of “trusting yourself.” - Sean Ogle

Ahhh. This one's a good one.

And your MatchGirl has an answer. She's just, gentle readers, not quite ready to go public with them...

It's Alive!

2011-07-05T09:19:00.000-04:00

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. If we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When did you feel most alive recently? Where were you? What did you smell? What sights and sounds did you experience? Capture that moment on paper and recall that feeling. Then, when it’s time to create something, read your own words to reclaim a sense of being to motivate you to complete a task at hand. - Sam Davidson

This prompt is a tough one, gentle readers. So much has happened to your MatchGirl over the course of the past year - so many amazing things - that I'm not sure I can quantify one moment over another. When I felt the most alive?

A lot of things have happened. Highs and lows. Near nervous breakdowns. Ecstatic moments of life. And I know they will keep coming. It's hard to think seriously that one moment could make me feel more alive than another.

Some cool things have happened. Some things that certainly made me feel "alive."

I stood on the top of the highest point in Bogotá and looked out over the city, feeling like I could go anywhere- that that one stop on that journey was just the beginning of great things to come (it was).

I walked out of my apartment one Sunday afternoon to meet a friend for a drink and saw that friend, that man, suddenly in a whole new light (you can read about that here).

I held my friends' preemie son and heard him coo, happy and healthy and strong, even though born nearly 4 months early.

I went to a friend's house with Boyfriend one night when the snow was just beginning to fall and left three hours later with snow still falling and the whole world covered in white, up to my knees. We walked down the middle of Manhattan Avenue and Greenpoint was silent and clean.

I saw two dear friends marry, in a beautiful, sun-filled room, and cried (I couldn't help it) when they danced their first dance as husband and wife - it was perfection.

Something that I have learned, dear readers, as I have been on the journey that I share with you here, is that every single moment matters. Every single moment is important to the next. It doesn't matter if that moment is spent watching some "trashy" TV. It doesn't matter if that moment is spent working on your pet project or having a drink with a girlfriend or spooning with your hunny or sitting outside in the sun with someone you've not seen for a long time.

These moments, each and every one of them, no matter how mundane they may seem, these are the moments that you should feel the most alive. Pay attention to every one of them - the smallest thing might lead to the greatest opportunity.

The Seed of Action

2011-07-01T09:19:00.000-04:00

I do not wish to expiate, but to live. My life is for itself and not for a spectacle. I much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady. I wish it to be sound and sweet, and not to need diet and bleeding. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think about the type of person you’d NEVER want to be 5 years from now. Write out your own personal recipe to prevent this from happening and commit to following it. “Thought is the seed of action.” - Harley Schreiber

In five years, gentle readers, your MatchGirl will be 40 years old (on the cusp of turning 41). Here are things I don't want:

I don't want to be uninspired.

I don't want to be bored.

I don't want to think I know everything.

I don't want to have stopped learning.

I don't want to be sedentary.

I don't want to have stopped trying.

I don't want to be so comfortable in my live that I've stopped striving to make things better.

I don't want to be anyone different than me.

My recipe to make sure these things don't happen? I think I'll just continue on the path I'm on and everything will be a-OK. The thing about stumbling onto a clear(ish) path a little later in life is that you have spent your twenties (and maybe early thirties) walking on paths that don't quite make sense. You've got a lot of experiences stored in your memories to keep yourself on track.

Today is the official last day of the Ralph Waldo Emerson Self-Reliance Trust 30 Challenge. As I've been posting, when I deem that I want to share my thoughts, only on weekdays, you'll have to bare with me a few more (five) days. I hope that you've enjoyed these musings. I hope that you've gotten something from them. And, most importantly, I hope that you have joined me in contemplating the next actions of your lives, as I have mine.

Getting It Right

2011-06-30T09:19:00.001-04:00

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What if today, right now, no jokes at all, you were actually in charge, the boss, the Head Honcho. Write the “call to arms” note you’re sending to everyone (staff, customers, suppliers, Board) charting the path ahead for the next 12 months and the next 5 years. Now take this manifesto, print it out somewhere you can see, preferably in big letters you can read from your chair.

You’re just written your own job description. You know what you have to do. Go!

(bonus: send it to the CEO with the title “The things we absolutely have to get right – nothing else matters.”)

Wow. Sasha Dichter's prompt is no joke. Your MatchGirl has thought on this and, strangely, as she moves into her new position at her job (TODAY!!!), this is something she is working on. This is something, that when it's complete, I will share with my CEO. Sort of. Not necessarily a direction for the whole company, but certainly a direction for the company as a whole. I have been slowly, yet surely, carving out a little place or myself, in the world - in the world of my work and in the world as a whole. I have been quietly making my own manifesto.

It's an exciting proposition, gentle readers. I suggest you try it.

Side note: Anyone else find it weird that Sasha Dichter and Susan Piver chose the same quote, yet arrived at two distinctly different prompts?

Ordinary World

2011-06-29T09:19:00.001-04:00

Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution, the only wrong what is against it. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are our most potent at our most ordinary. And yet most of us discount our “ordinary” because it is, well, ordinary. Or so we believe. But my ordinary is not yours. Three things block us from putting down our clever and picking up our ordinary: false comparisons with others (I’m not as good a writer as _____), false expectations of ourselves (I should be on the NYTimes best seller list or not write at all), and false investments in a story (it’s all been written before, I shouldn’t bother). What are your false comparisons? What are your false expectations? What are your false investments in a story? List them. Each keep you from that internal knowing about which Emerson writes. Each keeps you from making your strong offer to the world. Put down your clever, and pick up your ordinary.

This is a funny prompt from Patti Digh, gentle readers. It's funny because your MatchGirl always sees herself as ordinary. There is nothing particularly special or extraordinary about me. Certainly not. I'm smarter than some, less smart than others. I'm prettier than some, not as pretty as others. I'm a girl like any other, at the same time I am uniquely me.

I can't imagine being any way other than I am. Nor would I want to.

But I'm just a normal girl. An ordinary person. No better and no worse than anyone else out there. What I have accomplished, others can, too. The projects I have going on, they come from my heart and I'm excited to have them, to own them, to share them. But they don't mean that I am anything more or less than anyone else. I'm just doing my best to keep moving - forward, up, ahead - and to bring everyone I meet along with me.

Intuition

2011-06-28T09:19:00.001-04:00

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you could picture your intuition as a person, what would he or she look like? If you sat down together for dinner, what is the first thing he or she would tell you? - Susan Piver

Is it just me, gentle readers, or is this prompt a little weird?

Don't get me wrong, your MatchGirl has very much enjoyed going through these thought challenges, one by one, day by day, and thinking about what her answers may be. Many I have shared with you here in the space and a few I have thought about on my own, and acted upon, or not. I'm not sure what my intuition would look like. I'm not sure I can personify something that is inside of me in a way that is any other than a reflection of myself.

I do think, though, that if Intuition and I were to site down to dinner, we'd probably have a good chat about the path I'm on now. About the amount of over-thinking that I am not doing. About how I am following, to the best of my first born child, Type-A(ish) personality, my heart over my head. And about how that seems to be working out pretty OK.

What Price Fear?

2011-06-27T09:19:00.010-04:00

Greatness appeals to the future. If I can be firm enough to-day to do right, and scorn eyes, I must have done so much right before as to defend me now. Be it how it will, do right now. Always scorn appearances, and you always may. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gentle readers, let us take Dan Andrews' points, one by one ...

Trusting intuition and making decisions based on it is the most important activity of the creative artist and entrepreneur. If you are facing (and fearing) a difficult life decision, ask yourself these three questions:

1) “What are the costs of inaction?” I find it can be helpful to fight fear with fear. Fears of acting are easily and immediately articulated by our “lizard brains” (thanks Seth) e.g. what if I fail? what if I look stupid? If you systematically and clearly list the main costs of inaction, they will generally overshadow your immediate fears.

Your MatchGirl supposes, dear reader, that the real cost of inaction is your own happiness. It is regret. It is the price of looking back on your life, on your days an wondering "What if...?" Your MatchGirl, those of you who have been here since the beginning, has certainly spent some time regretting paths not taken. I try, very hard to love my life without regret, but that does not mean that I don't, from time to time, look back on this "Choose Your Own Adventure" story we call life and wonder, "What if I had done this instead of that? What if I had been brave enough to ask that question?" One thing I do know... every time I have faced my fears and been brave enough to ask for something I really, really wanted in life, things have turned out exactly the way I wanted them to. The cost of inaction is regret.

2) “What kind of person do I want to be?” I’ve found this question to be extremely useful. I admire people who act bravely and decisively. I know the only way to join their ranks is to face decisions that scare me. By seeing my actions as a path to becoming something I admire, I am more likely to act and make the tough calls.

I want to be a happy person. This has been a long time coming. Doing the things I am doing now, working on the projects I have going, working at the job I have and being in the relationship I'm in - these things make me happy. And my projects, as I push forward, will only lead to greater happiness. This I know.

3) “In the event of failure, could I generate an alterative positive outcome?” Imagine yourself failing to an extreme. What could you learn or do in that situation to make it a positive experience? We are generally so committed to the results we seek at the outset of a task or project that we forget about all the incredible value and experience that comes from engaging the world proactively, learning, and improving our circumstances as we go along.

Gentle readers, your MatchGirl has been here. She has been low. She has been (near) destitute. But she kept her head above water and not only forged a path for herself, but she found herself a whole new career and community, just by doing what she loves most - connecting with people and connecting the people she knows with people they will find interesting/helpful/useful. This is something I will always find fulfilling - no matter the scale.

Dreams

2011-06-23T09:19:00.001-04:00

Abide in the simple and noble regions of thy life, obey thy heart. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down your top three dreams. Now write down what’s holding you back from them. – Michael Rad

Ah. Your MatchGirl, a little bit, gentle readers, believes that dreams are like wishes. If you share too much, too soon, they won't come true. Don't worry. My top three dreams are at the forefront of my thoughts every day. And I've shared them with the people I know can help them come true - and the one person who is nearly as invested as I am in making them come true.

The one thing holding my back? Me. Of course. The only person who can truly hold you back from your dreams is yourself. I work on that every day.

What's holding you back from your dreams?

Also ... maybe this will inspire you ... just a little bit:

The Future Is Now

2011-06-22T09:19:00.001-04:00

A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

My favorite quote of all time is Alan Kay: ‘In order to predict the future, you have to invent it.’ I am all about inventing the future. Decide what you want the future to be and make it happen. Because you can. Write about your future now.

After yesterday's whining post about the repetitive nature of the prompts of late, I am happy to see this fun one from Cindy Gallop. Sure, it's about originality. But it's also about invention. And one of the most amazing things we have the ability to do as people - as the thinking, feeling, hurting, growing, fucked up people that we may be - is to invent ourselves. And, in doing so, invent our own futures.

Your MatchGirl has been in a state of reinvention for a while now. Long time readers of this little site will recall, no doubt, many a post about reinventing oneself. So often we think that once we hit a certain point in our lives - be it age or income or some other milestone - that we cannot change anymore. That we cannot make ourselves new. The cool thing about being the flawed people that we are is that we can make ourselves new and make our lives new at any time. It's not so hard.

I think about my future. And I think about the future that I want to have - with Boyfriend, at work, with my personal projects - and I'm working, constantly working (just ask Boyfriend, who thinks I am working too much) to make those thoughts into solid reality. Every day, the harder I work and the more I put into it, the closer I come to this future that I have invented in my mind's eye.

Gentle readers, the future is what you make of it. It's what you invent. It's what you want it to be. If only you can take the first steps. If only you can set yourself on your right path.

Wholly Strange And New

2011-06-21T09:19:00.001-04:00

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name;—— the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Can you remember a moment in your life when you had life in yourself and it was wholly strange and new? Can you remember the moment when you stopped walking a path of someone else, and started cutting your own?

Write about that moment. And if you haven’t experienced it yet, let the miracle play out in your mind’s eye and write about that moment in your future.

Bridget Pilloud poses this prompt in the Trust 30 Challenge and while your MatchGirl enjoys contemplating all of these prompts, I am finding them to be a bit repetitive. In contemplating my responses to these prompts, the ones that I have shared with you online and the ones I have thought about and kept private (of which there are only a couple), I see that the common themes are fear and originality. And while I know these are important things to keep in mind (for your MatchGirl, fear has always been more of a problem than originality. As you, gentle readers, are all aware, your MatchGirl is nothing if not unique.) I want to think about something else.

I follow my own path. I don't think that I have done what has been expected of me. Not that I have disappointed, but, as I wrote previously, your MatchGirl was lucky enough to be raised by parents who not only allowed me to follow my own path, but encouraged me to do so. For me, it's been a windy path, filled with fits and starts and backing up and going forward and veering off in a new and scary direction from time to time. But it's certainly mine. And I push myself to do that every day. And the days that I don't work hard enough or accomplish enough (in my own mind's eye) just make me push harder the next.

I can imagine the next miracles that are going to come to me.

I'm working my ass off to make them happen.

I won't bore you with the details right now. I've written it all before...

Tomorrow Never Comes

2011-06-20T09:19:00.002-04:00

Do your work, and I shall know you. Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Take a moment, step back from your concerns, and focus on one thing: You have one life to achieve everything you’ve ever wanted. Sounds simple, but when you really focus on it, let it seep into your consciousness, you realize you only have about 100 years to get every single thing you’ve ever wanted to do. No second chances. This is your only shot. Suddenly, this means you should have started yesterday. No more waiting for permission or resources to start. Today is the day you make the rest of your life happen. Write down one thing you’ve always wanted to do and how you will achieve that goal. Don’t be afraid to be very specific in how you’ll achieve it: once you start achieving, your goals will get bigger and your capability to meet them will grow.

One hundred years, gentle readers, to achieve everything that you hope to achieve. Imagine that. But here's the thing that Colin Wright is wrong about. Most of us don't get 100 years. Not from birth to end of life. Not of active years. Not of a life where we can really make our own decisions.

Sure, some people are lucky enough to have been raised in an environment where they can really be themselves, from an early age, where they can assert their creativity and their entrepreneurship. Where they are allowed to put themselves out their. Where they can fail. Most, your MatchGirl supposes, however, are not.

So... that means we have so much less time than Colin supposes. We have ... maybe 60 years. Seems like a long time when you're young, I guess. I know that time has a funny way of seeming to be very different than it actually is. One hundred years seems like a very very long time. So does sixty. But think for a moment, how quickly a year passes. You blink and suddenly the month is over and you're not sure where it has gone. A year, even when it feels it is so long at times, is not long in reality. It's over before you know it.

Your MatchGirl is a master procrastinator. She started young and she's carried it on well into her adult-hood. It's something that drives me crazy in myself and even crazier when I see it in others. Because, while from time to time I'll leave things till the last moment, I do really love to plan, to make sure that everything will be all set, to make sure that things are taken care of. It's easy to do this when it's your day job. It's easy to do this when it's an event your planning (especially when working with others). It's less simple when it's something that just for you.

My take-away for this prompt then, dear readers, is that I will pay as much attention to planning for a doing the things that are "just" for me as I do to those things associated with my paying gig. The projects that are mine are mine. I need to own them. To dedicate myself to them. To push them forward. And, eventually, to share them with you. I can't do this if I'm constantly putting them off until tomorrow. We all know, after all, that tomorrow never comes....

Find Your Way

2011-06-17T09:19:00.000-04:00

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name; the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The world buzzes about goals and visions. Focus. Create a vivid picture of exactly where you want to go. Dream big, then don’t let anything or anyone stop you. The problem, as Daniel Gilbert wrote in Stumbling Upon Happiness, is that we’re horrible at forecasting how we’ll really feel 10 or 20 years from now – once we’ve gotten what we dreamed of. Often, we get there only to say, “That’s not what I thought it would be,” and ask, “What now?” Ambition is good. Blind ambition is not. It blocks out not only distraction, but the many opportunities that might take you off course but that may also lead you in a new direction. Consistent daily action is only a virtue when bundled with a willingness to remain open to the unknown. In this exercise, look at your current quest and ask, “What alternative opportunities, interpretations and paths am I not seeing?” They’re always there, but you’ve got to choose to see them. - Jonathan Fields

This, gentle readers, is something your MatchGirl wished she had thought about when she was much younger. Because when I was young, I was stubborn (those who know me now will say I still, am - they are right - but about fewer things, and with a more open mind). And in this stubbornness, sometimes, I'm afraid I missed opportunity. I didn't see them at all.

It has taken some big changes in my life, over the course of the years, to be able to see that the path I am on might have a lot of hidden passages in it. This has been true in the past in work, in school, in relationships.

Now, I feel that I am constantly learning and I am trying to constantly see the opportunities that lie not only in the direction I feel I should be moving, but a little bit off to the side. The most important thing I have learned, dear ones, over the past several years, is that life is rarely what you expect it to be. All you can do is keep your eyes and your heart open to what's around you and you'll find the path you're supposed to be on.

Surprise Yourself

2011-06-16T09:19:00.000-04:00

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself. How will you surprise yourself this week?

I like this little prompt from Ashley Ambirge. I like it because while she is certainly a gal who faced fear (out of necessity, but maybe that's what we all need sometimes... your MatchGirl can relate to that!) this prompt is not about fear. This prompt is about surprise.

I do things every day that are so very boring. So very rote. But sometimes, some days, gentle readers, your MatchGirl surprises herself. She steps up. She faces up. She's working on some projects right now and, if I can pull it off, that will certainly surprise me.

I'll keep you posted.

Holding Back

2011-06-15T09:19:00.001-04:00

These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:

Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?

Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?

Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?

Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.

Fear by Cotter Lachlan

No. The answer is simply no.
Gentle readers, your MatchGirl cannot put herself in the shoes of someone who has lived her dreams. That's just not possible.

Here's the thing, dear ones. My dreams are my own.
Am I inspired by others? Of course. Do I look at people who have reached levels of success that I hope to achieve and wonder how they got there so quickly and if I can get there, too? Of course.
But there is no one person who has achieved my dreams.

I have, though, been held back by fear. Especially when I was younger. I wrote about facing one's fears, posted last Friday, as part of this very challenge.

So here are some things I have been terrified of, and that I have faced head on.

Unemployment.
Asking for what I want out of a relationship.
Approaching people for help - job related or networking related.
Standing out in a crowd.
Talking to strangers.
Getting serious about my life.
Going for what I want.

The main thing that ties all these fears together, gentle readers, is an underlying fear for so many of us. It's a fear of rejection. Here's something, however, that your MatchGirl has learned about rejection over the years - it's not really so bad. Because, at the end of the day, there is always someone - be it friend, lover, parent - out there who loves you and wants you and will steel you up again.

So I agree with Lachlan. Face your fears. Do the thing that you're afraid of.

You'll be better for it in the end.

I promise.

Imitation Is Suicide

2011-06-14T09:19:00.002-04:00

Imitation is Suicide. Insist on yourself; never imitate. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

I don't know how to answer Fabian Kruse's question, gentle readers. I truly don't.

Your MatchGirl, in her own opinion, has always been a pretty original bird.

It was, in fact, probably a bad thing when I was young. At least for my social life. Middle and high school girls tend to want to march to the beat of only one drummer, and those that are different than them are not always (or often) welcomed to the fold.

In terms of art, I think it infuriated my professors at university that they could not stick my paintings or my influences into one neat basket. Not that they did not value individuality and originality. They certainly did. But how to critique something you don't know what to compare it to?

I don't know how to approach this prompt, dear ones. Because I don't see myself as an imitator... To thine own self be true, isn't that how the saying goes? Is there any other way that one ought to live? I believe that I was raised to stay true to myself, to be my own person, and that I have lived that way - or tried to - for most of my life.... I don't have a true answer for this, but for now, though I'm posting it, I leave this essay unfinished...

Be Good To Each Other

2011-06-13T09:19:00.001-04:00

Today's Ralph Waldo Emerson Self-Reliance Challenge prompt, from Eric Handler, is not a simple thing to wrap one's head around, gentle readers. Your MatchGirl has, for the past two years (a little longer) been sharing her life with you on these virtual pages. She has been sharing her hopes and reams and fears, but, she has also been spreading her message.

And perhaps I could have answered this in a tweet. It's quite possible that it needs no more than that.

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?

But as I take this Trust 30 challenge, I have, for the most part, enjoyed sharing my thought process, here with you. I hope that you've been enjoying being part of it. And, though I post a handful of days behind, due the the publishing schedule of this blog, I hope that you've enjoyed keep up with what I'm writing about. Believe, your MatchGirl is thinking on and writing about these prompts every day. It's a good exercise. I hope many of you are participating as well.

But, to today's prompt. If I could spread my personal message to one million people, right now, what on Earth would I say?

Be good to each other. Treat each other right. Think about how you want to be treated and, for goodness sake, act accordingly when you're interacting with others. Life is too short, gentle ones, to act any other way. So I share with you, fewer than one million people, but perhaps I will reach one thousand who will take this to heart an spread it to one thousand more (and that's a really nice start).

Be good to each other. It's the golden rule.

It's how your MatchGirl tries to live her life. I hope it's how you try to live yours.